


i should tell you to leave ‘cause i (know exactly where this leads)

by kazzashepard



Series: usagi/mamoru student/ta 'verse [1]
Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, BISEXUAL USAGI FOR LIFE, Bisexual Female Character, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Genderfluid Character, POV First Person, Sexytimes, bad language, no magic etc, seriously usagi has a pottymouth in this, vapid fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-03-16 05:26:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 36,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3476138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kazzashepard/pseuds/kazzashepard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>I never truly hated Chiba, seriously. He was just my asshole jerk TA who never could seem to get it through his thick skull that maybe I just don’t like science, okay, it’s not a personal affront to your teaching stylings, God.</em>
</p><p>Usagi really just wanted to pass physics, not start a secret affair with her prickly but otherwise gorgeous TA, Mamoru.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> idk i like college settings, student/teacher kink and usagi/mamoru. thus, this thing was born. title comes from "style" by taylor swift which doesn't really apply to this pairing or this fic, but i just like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um because i realized i never explained this in fic and i'm sure there are some people who don't know but--TA = teacher assistant. in american uni, they are usually grad students who do some menial work for professors in large classes (like grading assignments, taking attendance, providing extra help to students) and get paid for it. okay on with the story!

*

 

I never truly _hated_ Chiba, seriously. He was just my asshole jerk TA who never could seem to get it through his thick skull that maybe I just don’t like science, okay, it’s not a personal affront to your teaching stylings, _God_.

I didn’t even want to take that physics class anyway, but it was the only science available when I signed up for classes and I figured with Ami, our resident brainiac, and Rei, Miss I-Will-Be-Nothing-Less-Than-A-Battle-Goddess, I would be fine. Plus, Mako refuses to do anything less than her best, so between the three of them, Minako and I would be easily carried (Minako has the same outlook on school as I do: if it isn’t in our major, why bother?).

So we show up to the first day of class, crammed in a corner of the lecture hall together, and our professor, Dr. Setsuna Meioh, looking more like a supermodel than an astrophysicist, starts doing the boring first day crap, and I see him. He sneaks in late with a huge number of papers and books in his arms. He catches my eye for a split second and I blush. Even from my third row seat across the lecture hall, I can see how blue his eyes are 

“Class, this is my TA, Mamoru Chiba,” Dr. Meioh is saying while I’m restarting my brain. “He’ll be holding office hours two days a week as well as a weekly problem session to help with your assignments.” She chuckles and adds, “He’s a good resource, so use him well.” 

“Thanks, Doctor Meioh,” Chiba says with his own laugh. Oh, he has a nice laugh. Damn. 

He takes a seat off to the side of the lecture hall and starts working on something, head bowed, his dark fringe covering most of his face. I steadfastly ignore the way my heart is thumping in my chest and focus on Dr. Meioh as she starts our first lesson. Oh my god, is she wearing Christian Louboutin heels?

Anyway, Ami drags us to the first problem session even though we point out that she’s probably just as qualified to be a TA as the illustrious Mr. Chiba, and then she blushes all cutely and we do as she says. Ami is a dangerous creature, I tell you.

Chiba stands up at the front of the tiny classroom like a king holding court. Just kidding, he’s just sort of standing there awkwardly, bouncing on his heels, while he waits for it to be 6 o’ clock, the appointed start time.

Ami already has her book and notes out, pencil sharpened, ready for whatever words of wisdom our TA has in store for us. Rei looks vaguely interested, but that’s sort of her default expression, if she isn’t blowing up at me over something silly. Makoto is sick and Minako just didn’t want to come.

A handful of other kids I recognize from our class have settled as well, so Chiba starts in immediately by asking for questions. “Trust me, Doctor Meioh is going easy on you this week,” he says, and his eyes fall on me for a second. I blush. Again. Ugh.

The hour passes by pretty quickly and with me learning absolutely nothing. I’m about to just poke Ami and ask to crash at her dorm tonight while we finish this, when Chiba’s voice startles me. “Miss, um…?” He’s looking right at me. Crap.

“Tsukino,” I say.

“Miss Tsukino, you still seem lost. Any specific questions?”

Where to even begin…? We could start with how much I didn’t want to take this stupid class in the first place, so why am I even here to begin with? Instead I say, “Would you mind going over problem three again? I just didn’t quite understand.”

I swear I see Chiba’s eye twitch. He then goes over it, slower this time. When he’s finished, he says, “Got it?” in a tone that suggests I _should_ have gotten it earlier.

“Yeah...I guess,” I mutter unconvincingly, and Chiba sighs. Like actually legitimately sighs. In front of me. Like it’s this big thing that I’ve asked him to do, instead of, you know, what they are literally _paying_ him to do.

“Well, sorry some of us aren’t physics geniuses like you,” I mutter. And then realize I said that out loud and oh _shit_.

“You don’t have to be a genius to pay attention and retain information,” Chiba shoots back.

“Well, I apologize for my idiocy then, oh illustrious TA,” I say, color rising to my cheeks.

“There aren’t enough apologies in the world, Miss Tsukino.”

Ami and Rei are staring at us, heads going back and forth like they are at a tennis match. Ami looks horrified that I’m arguing with our TA while Rei just looks amused.

“If that’s it, I’ll see you all in class in tomorrow.” Chiba turns off the projector and starts packing his stuff like he just didn’t insult me.

I sit there for a second, dumbfounded, before Ami taps my shoulder. “Um, Usagi…?”

I wait until we’re outside the building before exploding. “Oh my _god_ , that complete and total _dick_. I ask a simple question and get treated like a fucking moron.”

“Well, you clearly weren’t paying attention when he went over it the first time, Usagi,” Rei chides.

“So you’re taking his side!” I screech.

“Oh no,” Rei says. “He was kind of an asshole for no reason, but I guess I see where he’s coming from?”

“Ami?”

Ami has her phone practically pressed to her nose, avoiding my face entirely. “Thanks a lot, you guys. Some best friends.”

And the best part? I have to see him again tomorrow. Great.

 

*

 

Luckily, the class is in a huge lecture hall and it isn’t difficult to avoid Chiba completely. Unluckily, however, I continue to suck royally at physics and my Get-Out-Of-Jail free card, aka Ami Mizuno, is way too swamped with her other classes to help me.

“Please, Ami...the first quiz is this week and I’m going to fail,” I plead. I’m practically on my hands and knees here.

“I’m sorry, Usagi. I have an abstract to turn in this week and study for the quiz. I can’t really help you.”

I pout and then she says, “You know, you could go--”

“No.” I absolutely refuse to show my face at another one of Chiba’s problem sessions. Fuck him.

Ami gives me a sympathetic look and then runs off to the library.

So the quiz is on Monday, so what do I decide to do Saturday night? Certainly not sit down and have some intimate quiet time with a physics textbook. Nope, I head to the bowling-alley-and-also-arcade downtown to hang out with my girls.

Of course, I’m there for all of five minutes before Minako comes swooping in, “Oh my god, there’s a party at the Alpha Kappa house, we should totally goooooo.”

Makoto shrugs, always down for a party. Rei just sighs, knowing she has to go to keep Minako out of trouble. And me? Well, I’ll take any excuse to forget this past week.

“What are we waiting for?” I say, jumping up and hooking my arm through Minako’s. “Let’s go!”

I’m usually not one for frat parties, mostly because there is always too many people and those people tend to get really drunk really fast. And the frat houses are way too far from my dorm and I’m lazy. But Minako’s in such high spirits tonight, it’s infectious. I don’t want to let my whole week get destroyed by some loser TA, so I join in her merriment.

We find drinks and nice corner to hang out in while Minako makes Rei help her rate the frat guys. Rei rolls her eyes, but I see her lips quirk up when Minako isn’t looking.

“Oooh, what about him, Rei?” Minako says. “Tall, dark and handsome. I’d give him a nine at the least.”

I turn to see who she’s talking about and _oh my god, it’s Chiba_. He’s not too far from our corner, a drink in one hand, talking to some girl with long wavy hair. Ugh, she probably thinks he’s charming. Poor girl.

“Isn’t that Doctor Meioh’s TA?” Rei asks.

“Oh the one that was a total asshat to Usagi?” Makoto says. This is why I love Makoto, she remembers important things.

“Yeah, but he’s _hooooot_ ,” Minako says in a kind of whiny voice which is Rei’s cue to take her drink and swap it with water. “Let’s go say hi!” She vaults over Makoto (literally, I can’t make this up) and rushes toward Chiba.

Makoto moves to grab her, but I’m quicker. I maneuver through the crowd to Minako, who’s just made it to Chiba.

He barely notices her, but his eyes immediately find mine. Why are they so blue? It’s distracting. “Dumpling head, aren’t you a little young for a frat party?” he says, eyebrow quirking up in an annoyingly handsome way.

“Dumpling head?” I snap. As if he couldn’t be more insulting.

“You know, for your…” He trails off, gesturing to the top of his own head where my hair buns would sit.

“They are buns, for your information,” I say, moving Minako away. She stumbles back into the crowd which feels extra oppressive now that I’m actually talking to Chiba.

“Are you ready for the quiz on Monday?” he asks, knowing the answer full well.

“That’s none of your business, asshole.” I feel braver knowing we aren’t in the classroom. This is even playing ground now.

“Well, it kind of is, seeing as I will have to grade your train wreck of a quiz,” is his response.

The girl he’s with, who I admit I completely forgot about, gasps. “Mamoru! Be nice.”

“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know how. It would beneath his genius-ness.”

“I never claimed to be a genius,” he says with a chuckle. “You bestowed that title upon me, dumpling head.”

“Stop calling me that!”

“Whatever.” He turns away and starts disappearing into the crowd. “Come on, Reika.” At the last second, he calls over his shoulder. “Have fun, dumpling head. See you Monday.

I watch his retreating back, my face heating up with pure anger.

Okay, so maybe I hate Chiba a _little_ bit.

 

*

 

To no one’s surprise, I bomb the quiz on Monday. Epically. A monumental failure that can only be surpassed if it was an actual exam and not the first quiz of the term.

Chiba hands back the quizzes on Wednesday and apparently cannot resist a smirk in my direction. I can feel my face burning as the stack of quizzes reaches me and there is mine, sitting defeated on top with a large red “30,” circled and everything.

Dr. Meioh says the quizzes were overall okay for the first, but she expects improvement. She then reminds everyone about Chiba’s office hours and problem sessions and then dismisses class.

Okay, so I definitely need some remedial tutoring, but not from Chiba. If I can’t be in the same room as the guy, how am I supposed to let him tutor me?

Dr. Meioh is lingering to talk to a few students after class, so I wait patiently for my turn. When she asks my name, her face kind of has this glimmer of recognition when I say, “Usagi Tsukino.”

“What can I do for you, Miss Tsukino?”

“Well, Doctor Meioh, I, um...I didn’t do very well on my quiz,” I say slowly.

“A thirty, isn’t that right?” she says. Ah, that’s where that glimmer of recognition came from. Chiba must have mentioned me. Bastard.

“Yes, and I was wondering--”

“If you’re going to ask about extra help, Miss Tsukino, that’s what I have Mamoru for.”

“Yes, but--”

“I’m too busy to tutor students. It’s why I have a TA. Especially in a lecture with over one hundred students.”

“I know, but--”

“That will be all, Miss Tsukino.” And she picks up her briefcase and just struts out the door.

Even Ami doesn’t provide help for me. Again. She continues to be an amazing overachiever and completely unavailable.

Which is how I end up at Chiba’s problem session on Thursday night. I drag Minako with me because I know she didn’t do as well as she pretended on that stupid quiz either.

I see Chiba raise his eyebrows when I settle into a seat near the middle, Minako chattering into my ear. I level him with my most intimidating stare, which is probably not that intimidating, but a girl can dream. He does seem surprised to see me. Ha, I will not back down, you rat bastard. Suck it.

I pay as close attention as I can, but physics is just so _boring_ , I zone out periodically. When Chiba switches off the projector and asks for questions, I realize that while I’m pretty much finished with the problem set for this week, I still have no idea what I’m doing. At this rate, my grades will continue to plummet and I’ll have to retake this class or another science altogether which I don’t want to do because I want to stay on track and graduate.

I’m so fucked.

I can tell Chiba wants to say something smart as soon as I approach his desk at the front as all the other students file out. Minako offers to wait for me, but I tell her to go ahead. I can handle an asshole, holier-than-thou TA.

I take a deep breath. “I think we got off on the wrong foot,” I say with as much dignity as I can muster.

“You think?” He quirks an eyebrow again and it’s annoyingly handsome.

“Look, buster,” I snap. “I’m going to fail this class, okay? And I need extra help. And that’s supposedly your job, so…?”

“What, you want me to tutor you?” He acts like I asked him to run around the moon. Am I that impossible, really?

“I just….” Another deep breath, Usagi, don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry. “I don’t understand. You get from point A to B and it looks nice on paper, but I don’t see how you did it.” I turn on the puppy eyes. “Please? I think some one-on-one tutoring could really help me.”

Chiba just sighs. And I’m not sure he means it as condescending, but it sure comes off that way. Like, I’m sorry that not all of us can instantly understand the wonders of physics like you can, _sir_.

“Meet me at the library tomorrow night. Around eight o’clock. Does that work?”

“Sure.”

 

*

 

So I almost make it to the library at 8:00. Almost.

Chiba’s waiting in the coffee shop downstairs, tapping away on his phone, when I run up at 8:05.

“Sorry, I’m late,” I say breathless. I kind of had to run from my dorm since I sort of fell asleep through my ethics homework. I _was_ going to set an alarm, but I was certain I wouldn’t fall asleep. I should’ve known better.

“Somehow I’m not surprised,” Chiba says, what could be mistaken for fond amusement in his tone. But who am I kidding, he’s not that nice. He tosses his coffee in the nearby trash can and picks up his bag. And no, I’m not admiring his rather toned forearms that I can see because he pushed up his shirt sleeves in that kind of hipster-ish, disheveled way.

I can hate someone and think they’re kind of cute, too, okay?

Chiba reserved a study room for us because he has the foresight for things like that. And he’s all business once we’re alone, prying me for information about what _exactly_ I don’t understand about the problems.

“Is ‘everything’ an acceptable answer?” I say sweetly.

He rolls his eyes. “No, dumpling head, it isn’t.”

“My name is _Usagi_ ,” I snap. “If I have to spend extra time with you each week, the least you could do is use my name.”

“Explain how to factor an equation to me and I’ll stop calling you dumpling head.”

“What?” That infuriating smirk is back. Ooh, I hate him so much. “That’s totally unfair.”

The whole hour and half passes like that. I try, he makes me feel like an idiot, whether intentionally or not is completely irrelevant at this point. I’m on the verge of tears by the time he checks his phone and sees it’s almost 10 o’clock.

“It’s a good start,” he says and I search for a trace of sarcasm. “You should come by my office hours next week too.”

“You don’t have to be so condescending, you know.” I angrily stuff my notebook in my bag. “I mean I know I’m stupid, but you don’t have to keep reiterating that point every five fucking seconds.”

Chiba looks genuinely taken aback. “I’m not--”

“Oh yes you are.” I’m on a roll now. “Every little sigh and, ‘Oh come on, dumpling head.’ Like I get it, I’m not as smart as you. I don’t get this shit. You don’t have to keep shoving it down my throat. _God_.”

Chiba blinks owlishly for a few seconds and, as much as I hate him, he is cute. A girl could drown in those blue eyes for certain. And if I didn’t want to ring his neck, I’d probably want to ruffle his thick dark hair. In fact, Chiba is totally a guy I would go for...if he wasn’t such an asshole.

“You’re not dumb, Usagi,” he says seriously. Wait, did he actually use my name? “You’re just kind of lazy.” I guess that was a compliment. He shoulders his bag and opens the door to the study room. “And you did well tonight. Keep at this and we’ll see some improvement, okay?”

I eye him distrustfully as he holds the door open for me. He walks with me to the door and then heads in the opposite direction back to his...apartment, I guess? Like I know where Chiba lives.

As I walk back to the dorm, I can’t help but think about what he said. And how he acted. Maybe Chiba doesn’t realize how...prickly is a nice word for it...he can be? Maybe calling him out was the best thing to do. Or maybe he’ll keep being an uppity jerk that I’ll have to suffer for the rest of the semester for a decent grade.

I’m still so fucked.

 

*

 

Classes continue. Problem sessions continue. I keep meeting Chiba, at his office hours and at the library. He’s less of a jerk, but definitely not nice. But he does keep reiterating that I’m doing better. So when the next quiz rolls around and I pull out a 70, I can’t resist the “Whoo!” I let out in the middle of class because hot damn, I never thought I’d pass a physics quiz on my own.

Chiba’s smirking when I walk past him out of the lecture hall. “Anything you want to say, dumpling head?”

“I thought you said you’d stop calling me that?”

No response, just more smirking. I sigh. “Do you want me to, what, thank you? For my 70?” I narrow my eyes. “You do remember that it’s your _job_ to help your students, right?”

“I’m not expecting a thank you,” Chiba says. “I figured you wanted to gloat.”

“I’m not gloating.” I hold the quiz to my chest. “I don’t want to scare it away.”

Chiba laughs. It’s such a surprisingly pleasant sound considering our more recent interactions that it makes my stomach do little flip-flops. _Uh oh_.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, dumpling head.” He ruffles my hair as he walks off down the hallway.

 _Uh oh_.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so a word on this universe...since i know absolutely nothing about the japanese university system, this is based on my own experiences at an american university (the course system, TAs, etc. not the whole sleeping with your tutor thing). anyway, if anyone has any questions, [shoot me an ask on tumblr](http://goddamnelsa.tumblr.com/ask) or leave a comment and I'll try to clarify. I'm kind of hand-wavey about everything, I know, but the focus is supposed to be Usagi/Mamoru and their blossoming....romance-thing. The university-setting is just a backdrop to that. Hope that makes sense! Thanks for reading :)
> 
> ALSO this fic is finished aside from some last minute editing. I'll be posting a new chapter every couple of days :D


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sexy times ahoy! it's not rated Explicit for nothing, folks. (okay there's some actual scenes and you know, _talking_ you have to get through first...but whatever. enjoy!

*

 

So somewhere in this routine that Chiba and I picked up, we exchanged phone numbers. I refused to put him in my contacts as anything other than “Giant Jerkwad” and he retaliated by adding my number under, “Dumpling Head.”

We are supposed to meet Sunday night at the library, like usual, but I get a text from Giant Jerkwad sometime in the afternoon that says, _Hey, something came up. Can’t meet until later._

Figures. I type back, _It’s cool. I’ll just come by your office hours tomorrow._ I don’t know how late he was thinking he would be, but the library closes, like, absurdly early on Sundays.

_We can still meet up. You can come by my place around 7? I’ll order us a pizza or something._

_Ooh, hanging out in a_ boy’s _apartment?_ I giggle to myself. _What will my mother say?_ Then, my heart starts beating really fast for some reason. Wait, hanging out at Chiba’s apartment? Well, not hanging out so much as torturing myself with homework, but still…. _And_ he’s being weirdly nice. The Mamoru Chiba who started tutoring me a few weeks ago would not invite me to his apartment.

It takes me a second before I type back, _Okay sounds good. See you later then._

He sends me his address which is only a couple of blocks from the library. I give myself plenty of time to leisurely ( _ha_ ) walk there and show up at Chiba’s door a few minutes before 7.

And apparently, he’s just gotten out of the shower when he answers the door. He’s clothed, thank god, but his hair is damp and the scent of his soap wafts off of him and hits me square in the face. _Oh dear god_.

“Woah, I was sure you’d be late,” he says. “Come on in.”

Chiba’s apartment is pretty nondescript. He tells me his roommate, Motoki, is out for the night at his girlfriend’s, and apologizes for the mess. It looks pretty clean to me, other than a few jackets laying on the back of the couch and some dishes in the sink. Then again, my room is always a train wreck because neither I nor Minako ever want to clean it.

He goes ahead and orders the pizza while I get my books out and not look too obviously like I’m on edge. I don’t get it really. Chiba’s apartment is fine. He’s not even being overly friendly, though definitely nicer than his usual “all-work-and-no-play”. Maybe I’m just stressing about homework. All this extra time spent with Ye Olde Physics is definitely starting to get to me.

Chiba sits opposite me and immediately snatches my half-finished problem set and starts scanning it. And no, I do not pay attention to the way his long fingers stroke his face in thought while he skims the scribble that is my poor math. And I definitely don’t notice the way his hair is curling slightly at the ends while it’s drying. Oh man, he smells really good. Musky boy smell and Irish Spring soap.

“Are you listening to _anything_ I’m saying?”

Shit, shit, _shit_. “Sorry, your lips were moving. I just assumed it was something irrelevant.” Ooh, good one, Usagi. Deflect with sarcasm and insults.

Chiba just levels me with a Glare. He has a lot of those, I’m realizing. “Do you want to pass or not, dumpling head?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m paying attention.” _And not getting lost in your stupidly pretty eyes._ No, no, _no_. I can _not_ have a crush on Chiba. Even if he smells good. And has fluffy hair.

_Ugh_.

We work on the problem set until the pizza arrives and I’m certain that Chiba will ordain that at least one problem must be finished (and correct) before grubbing out.

He surprises me however by immediately pulling down dishes and glasses, asking me what I want to drink. Well, Chiba’s just being downright hospitable. This is not helping my growing not-crush.

Since the table is currently overtaken by homework, Chiba says we can just sit in the living room, which is really just another part of the large front room that’s sectioned off by the couch itself. He turns on the TV, to the news of all things, and eats in relative silence.

I sit next to him with as much distance as I can put between us without seeming obvious that I’m trying to get away from him. Even though I really don’t want to, I just don’t want to keep feeding into these weird feelings.

He even takes my plate when I’m done eating. _Help me_.

I start to head back to the table to finish up the monster of a physics problem, but Chiba just kind of shrugs and says, “You know, we can finish this up tomorrow if you want.” He ruffles his hair--the bastard--and continues, “Do you wanna watch a movie or something?”

“Are you asking me out?” The words leave my lips before I can stop them. It’s laced with enough sarcasm (I hope) that he doesn’t take it seriously.

He chuckles. “Don’t get your hopes up, dumpling head. I know I’ve been kind of hard on you.” _I wish_. _Ugh, stop it, bad Usagi._ “But you aren’t completely insufferable to hang out with.”

“Thanks...I guess.”

“Besides, it’s been proven that too much studying can burn a person out.” He shrugs. “So let’s take a break.”

So I end up spending the rest of my evening on Chiba’s couch watching some fantasy movie about...a star I think, who’s actually a girl? I’m paying more attention to Chiba’s proximity to me than the movie itself at first, but then I kind of get into it.

“How blind is he?” I say at one point. We have a bowl of popcorn between us by now.

Chiba huffs. “What are you talking about?”

“Tristan. I mean, she’s clearly in love with him. She’s _literally_ glowing around him.”

Chiba just shrugs. “He’s kind of been oblivious the whole movie, to be fair.”

We do that the rest of the movie. Occasional comments, a few snickers and I’m a sniffling mess by the end because true love wins and I’m a sucker for all that stuff

“I can drive you home? It’s kind of late,” Chiba says while I’m packing up my stuff.

It’s actually a tempting offer, mostly because I didn’t realize until this moment that Chiba had a car and now I’m curious. I’m imagining some gross station wagon or something to fit his whole hipster persona. Though as I get to know him, I’m realizing that his hipster-ness is kind of unintentional. Chiba doesn’t strike me as the kind to cultivate a look to fit in with a certain crowd.

Also I really don’t want to walk back to my dorm. “That would be great actually. Thanks.”

Um, so Chiba drives a sports car. A red sports car to be precise. I don’t know enough about cars to know exactly which model car it is, but it’s _nice_.

I easily direct him to my dorm and then there’s that awkward moment in the car right before I leave and this so feels like a date, but I know it isn’t...even if I kind of want it to be.

“Thanks...for the ride. And the pizza,” I say, and then because I’m already on a roll, I add, “And for tutoring me even though I’m a total disaster.”

Chiba chuckles and ruffles my hair. “You’re not a disaster, Usagi. You’re making a lot of progress, and I promise,” his eyes meet mine before he continues, “I won’t let you fail.”

Nope, nope, nada, _no_ , he used my name. It sounds way too good coming out of his mouth. And his hands are warm. And he’s being so _nice_. Damn him.

“Um, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say, scurrying out of his car. My face is on fire. It could have been glowing in the dim light of his car, but I don’t look back to see if he’s noticed or cares.

I do notice that he waits until I’m inside the dorm building before driving away. Ugh, what a gentleman.

“Hey, how was tutoring with Sir Jerkhole?” Minako is painting her nails and watching _Bridezillas_ when I unlock our door. “Ooh, I’ve got a better one...Sir Frosty!”

“Nice, Minako,” I deadpan. My heart’s still pounding from the car encounter. I quickly change into my pajamas and tell Minako I’m going to turn in early. She offers to turn down the TV, but I sleep through it fine.

I roll over and curl myself into a ball and try to think about anything, absolutely _anything_ , but Mamoru Chiba.

 

*

 

_I’m back in his apartment, looking at him from across the table, his eyes so blue I think I must be drowning. He reaches across the table and takes my hand, pulls me to him. He’s so warm and tall and I stand on tiptoes to reach his mouth with mine._  

_Then we’re in his room--at least, I think it is, it has a bed and a closet and his smell clinging to everything. I’m on my back, soft sheets beneath me, him hovering over me, eyes as blue as the sea, his hands on me, his warm mouth, all over me…._

I wake up with my hand down my pajama shorts and sigh. Minako’s still sound asleep in the bed across the room, and I know I’m not getting back to sleep now. I grab my shower stuff as quietly as possible, even though Minako sleeps like the dead so there’s no chance of accidentally waking her.

In the shower, I try to force my mind to wander to literally anyone else. The cute barista from our favorite coffee shop. Chris Evans. My ex from high school.

Nothing’s doing it for me, until I remember the way Chiba--Mamoru, I mean, if I’m going to masturbate thinking about him, I should at least use his real name--ruffled my hair in the car, his little half-smile, his laugh. And then the dream. The way his hands felt on my skin, at least the way I imagined it. His mouth. His harsh panting in my ear, oh god, it doesn’t take much before I’m coming _hard_ , muffling my cries into my fist.

I am so very, very, _very_ fucked.

 

*

 

I have class before I’m supposed to meet Chiba--no forget it, I won’t use his first name, fuck it-- for our tutoring session, and I consider faking sick to get out of class so when I text him to blow him off for tutoring, he isn’t suspicious. But as much as I want to avoid awkwardness by being alone with my TA who I also had a vivid sex dream about, I also really don’t want to fail this stupid class.

Ami, Makoto and I grab coffee at our usual place right before class since it’s less than a block from the building. And who should breeze in but the object of my nighttime affections himself.

I try to duck behind my textbook at the last minute, but too late, he sees me. Ami waves at him, which gives me pause. Then again, they’re both super-nerds, so I guess they just gravitate toward each other.

“Morning,” he says, approaching our table. My textbook suddenly becomes very interesting.

“Do you want to sit?” Ami says. “I wanted to ask you about something actually.”

Chiba sits and they start gabbing about Dr. Meioh’s research or something. I continue to pointedly ignore him even though every nerve ending in my body seems to be straining toward him. I sneak a few peeks from the top of my textbook and notice that Chiba seems to be glancing my way every few seconds before looking back at Ami. I don’t know if the others have noticed, or even if I’m not making shit up in my head.

“Don’t tell me you’re actually reading your textbook, dumpling head?” Chiba says. I grit my teeth and well, I have to hand it to him, he certainly makes it easy to forget the warm fuzzy feelings. “You’ll put me out of a job.”

“Well, it would make your life easier, wouldn’t it?” I snap.

“I’d get my evenings back,” he says wistfully. “That’d be nice.”

“Jerk,” I mutter. I put my face back into my textbook, realizing that I just don’t have the energy to fight with him today. I mean, mostly because I keep trying to picture him naked. Which is, you know, _not helping_.

I think he notices too, which is weird. I glance up at him once after my dismissal and he looks kind of worried. Huh. That’s an interesting development.

We get up to leave and turns out Chiba’s skiving off class today. Okay, not really, he has to do some research thingy for Dr. Meioh and so has full permission to not be in class, but whatever. As we’re heading out of the coffee shop, Chiba grabs my elbow and pulls me away from the others. “Are you okay?” he asks.

_No, please don’t be worried about me. Don’t make me keep liking you._ “I’m fine,” I say in my most flippant tone, pulling my arm away from him. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” he says with a shrug. “You aren’t your usual exuberant, combative self.”

The fact that he notices something like that makes my heart beat faster. “I’m just tired, I guess,” I say finally. “You know, school and stuff.”

He nods. “We can skip tonight, if you want? We can play catch up tomorrow instead.”

Oh, it’s tempting. Especially considering my vivid dream that keeps pushing itself against the edges of my consciousness while we’re talking. “I’ll let you know after class, is that okay?”

He agrees and then heads off toward the lab with a wave over his shoulder. I join back up with Makoto and Ami, and while Ami is oblivious to most things not academic, Makoto not so much. She immediately loops her arm through mine (which is hard since she’s a head taller than me) and goes, “Okay, so what’s the deal with you and Chiba, hmm?”

“What deal?”

“He seemed very happy to see you this morning,” Makoto says with a conspiratorial wink.

It’s not hard to inject incredulity into my tone. I’m pretty sure Chiba just sees me as some dumb kid he’s stuck tutoring. Even if he likes hanging out with me fine. “I don’t know. We’re getting along better, I guess?” I hope this answer satisfies her because I will not be able to fight the blush off my face for much longer. 

It does placate her for the most part. And thankfully she doesn’t mention anything once we get to class and join the others. The last thing I want is to be interrogated by Minako, or worse, Rei. Minako is just relentless, but Rei is just overly protective. I don’t want Chiba to have a horrible “accident” because Rei thinks we’re hooking up or something. Haha, I _wish_ that were true.

I get a text from Giant Jerkwad a few hours after class asking if I still want to meet up. I decline, and considering that Chiba himself said we could skip one night of tutoring makes me think I’m doing the right thing. I need to give myself some time to decompress from Chiba-overload. Minako and I get takeout and have a horrible romance movie marathon on Netflix and it’s just what I need to calm myself.

 

*

 

Chiba and I resume our almost daily meetings and I manage to avoid anymore vivid dreams of a more carnal nature, thankfully. 

But, being around him becomes more and more frustrating as I try to figure him out. There are times when he’s super nice and thoughtful to me. And then he can be a total jerk. I can’t figure out if he’s just callous by nature, doesn’t realize what he’s saying can be hurtful, or just doesn’t care.

For example, we meet up at the coffee shop in the library one night because all the study rooms are occupied. He not only buys my coffee, but he _knows_ my order. I mean, you don’t pay attention to stuff like that to just anyone, right?

But then, he makes some snide remark when I accidentally did some multiplication wrong. And then laughs when I snap at him. Ugh.

And I know he notices my frustration, but he chalks it up to my continuing battle with physics. At least, I think he does anyway. He’s near impossible to read.

Sunday nights we start meeting at his place. Apparently, Chiba joined a gym at the behest of his roommate/best friend Motoki and because of Motoki’s work schedule, they have to go late afternoon on Sundays when ordinarily me and Chiba would be meeting for our tutoring session. I tell him that we don’t have to meet on Sundays, but he says it’s fine if I come over because Motoki almost always goes to his girlfriend’s place after they get back from the gym.

At least that explains why Chiba is always freshly showered when I come over. And I do not file away a mental image of Chiba at the gym, sweaty and out of breath. Nope, I do not.

I head over to his place that evening, and who should open the door to his apartment but that extremely cute barista that Makoto has a gigantic crush on? “Oh hey! You must be Usagi,” he says with an easy grin. “Mamoru’s still in the shower, but come on in.”

“Are you...Motoki?” I ask. It’s kind of hard to believe that the easygoing barista and Chiba’s best friend are one and the same.

“Yep.” He studies me for a second and then goes, “Wait! I know you. You and your friends are always at the coffee shop near the university.”

“Yeah, that’s us,” I laugh. How is someone as friendly as Motoki best friends with Mamoru Chiba? I’ll just add that to the list of mysteries.

A door opens and I get a glimpse of completely shirtless, almost-naked-save-for-the-towel- around-his-waist Chiba, rivulets of water still clinging to his chest. His very nice, very toned chest. Oh yes, Chiba goes to the gym all right. _Damn_.

“Hey,” he says before quickly disappearing behind what I assume is his bedroom door. Was he blushing? No way.

“Well, I’m heading out to meet Reika,” Motoki says. “You kids have fun.” He winks in my direction and then heads out the door. Wait, Reika was the girl Chiba was with at the party...and Motoki’s girlfriend? Huh, I’m learning all sorts of new stuff tonight.

Chiba emerges shortly after Motoki leaves, having apparently teleported into some sweats and a t-shirt. He rakes his fingers through his still damp hair and my heart does that uncomfortable drum beat in my chest again.

“So, um...how far did you get on the problem set?” Chiba says awkwardly. Hmm, awkward and Chiba don’t generally go together. And his face does seem a bit pink, but it’s probably just from his shower.

I sit at the kitchen table and pull out my notes and homework and we go over everything in a couple of hours. At one point, he pulls his chair over right next to me to explain something and I’m honestly afraid I’ll faint from his closeness, his warmth.

He heats up some leftovers for dinner, spaghetti in a homemade tomato sauce, courtesy of Motoki apparently. “You’re doing pretty well,” he says while we eat. “I think you’re about ready for the first test.”

“Oh, that’s next week, isn’t it?” I groan. “I’m going to choke.”

“Don’t say that,” Chiba says. “You’ll be fine. Plus Doctor Meioh is taking a whole lecture for review.”

Well that _is_ comforting. “I don’t know….”

“Don’t worry about it. Even you can pass this test, dumpling head.”

Okay, that’s it. “You’re doing that thing again,” I say before I can think about it.

Chiba blinks. “What thing?”

“That thing!” I stand up and take my dish, angrily dumping it in the sink. “Where you’re super nice to me one minute and the next, you’re backhandedly insulting me, or talking down to me.”

Chiba stands up too, concern knitting his brow. “What are you talking about, Usa--”

“Just stop, okay!” It’s like all my stress is just flowing out at once and I can’t stop it. I’m worried about my grades, I’m worried about this test, and I’m letting him get to me even though he’s my TA and it’s not like anything can come of a stupid crush.

“I don’t know what you think of me and it’s driving me crazy,” I confess, knotting my fingers together in front of my face. It’s easier than looking at him. “I can’t tell if you like me, or tolerate me, or just think I’m some stupid kid that you’re stuck with.”

I could go on of course to explain how he’s impossible to read and downright unsociable at times and that no, I don’t know why it bothers me so much, but it _does_.

“I just don’t appreciate you bouncing back and forth between nice and jerk all the time,” I continue. “It’s frustrating enough having to deal with stupid physics without having to sort out my feelings for you, too.”

Oops, that last part was supposed to be in my head. I risk a peek at Chiba, who looks very confused. “Your...feelings?” he says slowly. “For me…?”

I groan and brush past him to get my bag and my coat. I’ve made a fool of myself and I’m already compiling a help notice to stick on the community board since I’m pretty sure I just lost myself my tutor. Who wants to tutor a girl who has a crush on you and you don’t even like back anyway? _Help wanted: one physics tutor for a girl who made a fool of herself in front of her previous tutor. Must not have dreamy blue eyes or thick fluffy dark hair. Contact Usagi Tsukino for more information._

I’m almost at the door when Chiba finally restarts his brain. “Usagi, wait!” He reaches for my arm, but I pull out of his reach. 

“It’s fine, I’m going home,” I say, tears already thickening my voice. I don’t want to cry in front of him. I mean, my dignity is already shot, might as well, but it’s the last straw. “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you, or whatever.”

“Usagi.” His voice is soft and it makes me look up. He looks...torn is probably the best word. He rubs his face and finally seems to make up his mind. He mutters, “Fuck it,” and then comes towards me, presses me against the door and kisses me.

Um, _what_? I mean, yes please, but also, I’m confused?

My confusion doesn’t really last though, or at least, I stop thinking about it, because wow, he’s a good kisser. I’m pressed between his body and the door, his hands cupping my face, tilting it at just the right angle. I sort of flail for a second before I grab his arms, mostly to keep myself upright.

He pulls away and I make a little noise of protest without thinking. “Does that answer your question, dumpling head?” he says, breathless.

“You’re such an asshole,” I say, though without my usual venom. I reach for him again, winding my arms around his neck and pressing my mouth to his.

 

*

 

So I think he intends to get us to the bedroom, but I’m a little impatient. I mean I’ve been lusting after this guy for awhile and he finally sticks his tongue down my throat, so I can’t be blamed for being a little... _eager_. 

He lifts me easily and I throw my arms around his neck, never breaking our kiss, a breathless battle of lips, teeth and tongues. I’m already tugging at the neck of his shirt, peppering kisses along the line of his jaw and down his throat. He loses his balance and I’m pressed against the wall opposite his bedroom door instead. Fine with me.

“Usagi...wait,” he says, already out of breath. I pull at the hem of his shirt, sliding my hands along his stomach and back. Wow, he really does work out. I mean, I could tell from a cursory glance from across the room, but still...wow.

“Shut up,” I say, pressing my mouth to his again. I have to break the kiss to actually get his shirt off, and since he seems to be taking his time, I start undoing the buttons to my blouse myself.

“Usagi….”

“Why are you still wearing clothes?” I demand, finally shrugging off my blouse and tossing it behind me.

Mamoru still seems to be deciding if this is a good idea or not. I have blown past “good idea” and moved onto, “Let’s just do it already.” He reaches for me and then stops, just staring at me.

“Mamoru….” That gets his attention and his blue-blue eyes snap up to mine.

“You’re so beautiful,” he says.

“I bet you say that to all the girls,” I tease, adding after a second thought, “Who stand in your front hallway in just their bras.”

He laughs and grasps my waist, ducking down to kiss me again. I’m never going to get tired of those kisses, let me tell you. His hands are so warm on my skin, it sends shivers down my spine. He starts directing me toward the bedroom again, gently guiding me in that direction, but I’m uncoordinated enough as it is without walking backwards while being kissed senseless. I grunt when my foot hits the doorway and, grumbling, just lift myself into his arms again, legs around his waist.

He takes the last few steps into the bedroom and deposits me on his covers. I push myself up on my elbows and watch hungrily as he pulls off his sweatpants. He climbs on the bed finally, gently easing my legs open so he can kneel between them.

I lean back until my head hits his pillows, him hovering above me, his breath fanning out over my lips. “Are you sure?” he asks softly. He’s not even touching me yet, not really, and I’m so worked up already, aching for him.

“Yes,” I whisper back. I slide my fingers through his hair and tug his face to mine. He kisses everywhere but my lips at first, my forehead, my nose, my cheeks. When his lips do meet mine, there’s none of the sweetness and uncertainty from before. He parts my lips with his tongue, his hands roaming over my body, cupping my breasts through the silk of my bra.

He kisses a trail from my lips down my neck and to the valley of my breasts. Thankfully, I had the unintentional foresight to wear my front closing bra which he easily pops open and disposes of, sending it sailing over his head without a second thought, instead focusing his attention on my breasts. My fingers curl in his hair, trying not to moan so loudly, but _damn_ the things the man can do with his tongue.

He doesn’t stop there though. Once he has me flushed and panting, he continues his journey downward, pausing to suck a bruise onto my side, before reaching the waistband of my shorts.

“What was it you said before?” he says, gazing up at me through his fringe. “‘Why are you still wearing clothes?’”

“Well, _someone_ was being a bit lazy,” I shoot back. He undoes the button of my shorts and starts to tug them down my hips. After a bit of undignified wiggling and the shorts getting caught around my foot, I’m finally down to my underwear.

I wait for him to crawl back up my body and get down to business, but he stays down there, face level with my crotch. My brain’s all fuzzy with lust, but it doesn’t take me long to realize what he’s going to do.

“Wait, Mamoru, you don’t have to…”

He shoots me a wicked grin that is so unfairly hot. He hooks his fingers under the elastic of my panties and says, “I know. But I want to.”

Panties gone and I realize my before statement about the things Mamoru could do with his tongue was a vast understatement. With one sweep of his tongue against my soaking folds,  I think I’m going to _die_ it feels so good.

And Mamoru seems to be enjoying himself if the little moans I can feel reverberating through my whole body are any indication. Not knowing what else to do, I grasp his sheets in my hands, biting my lip to keep from screaming. His tongue laps at my clit while he slides first one, then two fingers inside me, crooking at just the right angle. A small part of my brain points out that he’s _clearly_ done this before and that part wants me to be jealous, but most of my brain is just screeching from sensory overload and the desperate need to come.

My hips stutter unevenly against his mouth and I’m chanting his name between curses and incoherent babbling. When I’m close, he switches his mouth and fingers, his thumb rubbing ruthlessly against my clit while his tongue slides against my opening. And then it’s not much longer before I come hard, sobbing out his name, my fingers curled tight into his hair.

I slowly float back into myself to find his face still between my legs, placing kisses on my inner thighs and then working his way back up to my lips. I can taste myself on his tongue and even though I just had a pretty mind-blowing orgasm, I can feel myself working up to another one just from his kisses and lazy caresses.

There’s nothing but his boxers between us now, and I’m ready. I push the elastic down his hips and he does the rest, the boxers joining our growing pile of clothing.

He reaches under the bed for a condom and I’m about to comment on his foresight, like I’m pretty impressed, that’s a perfect place to keep them, but he kisses me again and my thought processes pretty much cease.

Condom on, he spreads my legs again and kneels between them, the head of his dick pressing against my opening in a way that makes me see stars. “Ready?” he says.

I wind my arms around his neck. “Be gentle with me, okay?”

“Of course,” he murmurs, kissing the tip of my nose. He eases in slowly and I grit my teeth at the stretch. He reaches between us and presses his thumb to my clit again, working it in slow circles as he pushes in further. When he’s finally in all the way, I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“Okay?” he says, stroking my back.

I nod, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. He’s trembling with the effort to stay still and I run my hands across his shoulders and down his back to soothe him. “I’m okay,” I say. “You can move now. Please?”

He nods, and pulls out, slamming back in a second later. I groan as he sets a rhythm, my toes curling against his back. He keeps his thumb on my clit, rubbing in time with his thrusts. It doesn’t take long before his thrusts become more erratic, harder, his breathing harsh against my neck where he’s pressed his face. I tighten my legs around his waist, urging him to go faster.

“Please, Mamoru,” I moan, my nails digging into his back as he slams into me over and over. “Please...come for me….”

“Oh...god...Usagi….” He only lasts a few more thrusts before he’s coming, his cock twitching inside me. His thumb never ceases against my clit though and it takes me over the edge once again, moaning into his neck.

He holds himself over me for a second, arms trembling with the effort before he rolls over onto his back next to me, panting. “That was…”

“Pretty much perfect,” I finish. I roll over onto my side and watch him catch his breath. “I mean and I didn’t even expect you to go down on me on the first date.” He laughs, his whole body shaking with it, and I feel my face split in a smile.

Now that the heat of the moment, quite literally to be honest, has passed, I shiver, his very soft sheets barely covering me. “You okay?” he asks, brushing a stray piece of hair away from my face.

“Mm-hmm,” though I do shiver again a little more noticeably. Mamoru chuckles.

“Come here.” He opens his arms and I settle against his side, my head against his chest. It’s so comfortable, lying here with him, his heart beating in my ear, that without meaning to, I soon fall asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> many thanks again to my beta and also best friend and also roommate for reading my very first attempt at smut and saying it was good and she's just the best okay go read her fics now: [feoplepeel](http://archiveofourown.org/users/feoplepeel)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry this is late, but please enjoy a brief interlude of "omg what have we done" moments followed by some more smut :D

*

 

I wake up and slowly realize that I’m not in my dorm, Minako is not snoring in the bed across the room, and that I am in so much trouble.

“Shit,” I mutter. “Shit, shit, _shit_.”

I roll over, and Mamoru is not there, though I can hear someone moving around in the kitchen. Apparently, I’m not worthy of cuddling with post-sex? Ugh, and he was so _warm_ too...wait, focus Usagi.

I grab my clothes, which Mamoru apparently folded and set in a neat pile by the bed, and hurriedly put everything on and check my phone. I’ve got a few texts from Minako, wondering where I am. _Great_. I have no idea how to explain this to her and it’s not like I can tell her the truth.

Mamoru turns around when I finally emerge from his bedroom. “Hey,” he says. His whole body language just _screams_ uncomfortable, from the way he leans against the counter to his elbows tucked against his sides, totally on guard. 

“Hi.” I stand there awkwardly as the realization of what happened last night finally washes over me. I had sex with my TA. I. Had sex. With. _My TA._

Pretty freaking awesome sex. But still. I can’t be any more fucked.

Mamoru seems to be coming to this realization as well and folds his arms. I notice that he does not rush forward to greet me with a good morning kiss or anything of the sort. I think he’s beginning to realize what a colossal mistake we just made.

Oh, but what a wonderful mistake. _No, don’t think about that._

“So, um...about... _that_ ,” I say awkwardly, gesturing to the bedroom behind me.

“Yeah…” Mamoru chews his lip, which is _adorable_ , and looks anywhere but my face. Not that I can blame him, of course. “We should probably...I mean…”

“What?” I have a feeling I _know_ what he’s going to say, but I don’t want to be the one who suggests it.

Mamoru sighs, rubbing his face with his hand. “Look, I can’t... _we_ can’t….”

“No, I get it,” I say, trying not to sound too disappointed. And I do understand. I’m technically his student, so last night was a gross breach of conduct, even though he’s not that much older than me and only a teacher assistant. But still.

“It was wonderful,” he says honestly. “You were...I mean, you are….” I’ve never seen him struggle with words like this before. He’s usually either quiet or saying something snarky. It’s too flipping cute, and I need to get out of here.

“Yeah, you too.” My bag is by the door where I dropped it when he kissed me. And then literally carried me into his bedroom. I head toward it and then realize that I don’t want to leave him like _nothing_ happened.

He’s studying the tiles of the kitchen like they make up some complex cipher he has to solve, pointedly not looking at me as I leave. I have to stand on my tiptoes, even with his head bowed, to kiss his cheek. I pointedly don’t let myself notice the way his breath hitches when my lips touch his skin. It takes everything in my power not to bury myself against his chest and instead walk away, but I manage it, sending a little wave his way as I head out.

“See you later,” I say and shut the door.

Once the door is shut though, I collapse against it, unable to move for a few minutes. _What am I going to do_? I still have to meet with him for tutoring. Without him, I _will_ fail, I know that. But can I still meet with him on the regular and totally pretend like we didn’t just have amazing, mind-blowing sex?

I guess it kind of depends on him. If he follows through and pretends like nothing happened, it should be easier right? And it’s not like I really _like_ the guy, he’s just extremely attractive and a good kisser...right?

With a sigh, I pick myself off the floor, realizing that Mamoru probably has to leave for class soon and it would be kind of awkward if I was still sitting at his door. My classes start late on Mondays, thankfully, so I have a few hours to get myself back to my dorm, clean up and be ready for... _oh God we have physics class today shit shit shit shit._

Minako is surprisingly awake and alert when I unlock the door to our room. “Heeeey there, Lady of the Night,” she says with a wink.

“Uh, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Even though my blush probably says it all. It’s hard to hide things from Minako, mostly because she’ll pester you until you confess anyway. And she has an eerily accurate sixth sense about anything in the love department.

Not that what transpired between me and Mamoru was like love or anything. Nope.

“Suuure, Miss Yesterday’s-Eyeliner-Is-Today’s-Smoky-Eye.” She puts her hands on hips and faces me. “Spill.”

“There’s nothing to spill, Minako!” _Nothing I can really tell you, anyway._

Minako doesn’t buy this for a second, but she also lets it drop, sighing. “Fine, a girl is allowed to have her dirty little secrets, _I guess_.”

I’m off the hook for now, but if I know Minako, and I do, she won’t forget about this for long. I can come up with a better excuse, or invent a fake one night stand, when last night isn’t still so fresh in my mind. I quickly grab my shower stuff after telling Minako to go ahead and meet the girls for breakfast without me.

An hour later, I feel collected enough to meet the girls at the usual spot for breakfast. Which also happens to be the coffee shop where Motoki works. Crap.

“Hey, Usagi right?” Motoki says when I get up the counter. Thankfully, the girls have commandeered a table to themselves in the corner and I’m pretty sure they can’t hear me.

“Hi, Motoki,” I say, my face heating right up. Do guys have the same sixth sense about people sleeping together? I’m pretty sure if me and Mamoru were in the same room together for long enough, Minako would just _know_.

“The usual right? Coming right up.” He sets to work and I just hang around near the counter, trying to decide which breakfast sandwich my stomach can handle right now.

Motoki’s almost done with my drink when the door bell jingles as someone comes in. Motoki’s putting the drink in my hand when he looks over my shoulder and waves. “Hey, Mamoru! You’re getting a late start this morning.”

I freeze, tempted to just grab my drink and book it to our table, but that would be kind of suspicious. So instead, I say as calmly as I can despite my shaking fingers, “Morning,” as Mamoru approaches the counter.

“Dumpling head,” he says by way of greeting. I grit my teeth. Not because it annoys me, but because it sounds more like a term of endearment after last night.

Alright yes, it still kind of annoys me.

Motoki looks back and forth between us and then just kind of shrugs and starts making Mamoru’s drink. “Okay, see you in class then,” I say and start toward the table.

Oh but Mamoru can’t let me have the last word, can he? He grabs my elbow (he does that a lot, I’m noticing) and I cut him a glare over my shoulder.

“Can we talk later?” he says. “I feel like we...left things at a bad place.” His voice drops to almost a whisper and adds, “You know, this morning.”

I thought we left things pretty clear, but I guess it couldn’t hurt to be on the same page about everything. “We can talk tonight. Usual time?”

He nods and lets go of me. I try not to be upset at the loss of his warm hand on my arm and truck on over to the girls’ table.

If they notice how quiet I am while we eat, they don’t say anything. I wonder if Minako filled them in on my late night, but considering I’m not being grilled, especially by Rei, I think she decided to keep my “dirty little secret,” as she put it. She does keep sending me little smirks when the others aren’t paying attention, and it’s like there’s a timer over her head, counting down until she demands _details_ again.

I manage to avoid Mamoru through class, at least paying any attention to him. Dr. Meioh gives us the lecture schedule for the next week leading up to the test and I can feel my heart practically sinking into my shoes. I cannot afford this drama right now when there’s a huge test coming up. I want to cry when Dr. Meioh says sternly, “Remember, this test is worth almost a third of your final grade. So start studying now.”

I manage to act as normal as possible all through dinner with the girls, minus poor Ami, who has a study group for her graduate level bio lab on Monday nights. I wave goodbye to them and head to the library to meet Mamoru, my heart pounding harder and harder the closer I get.

He’s in our usual study room when I get there. I plop my bag down and sit opposite him, as far away as I can get. “Okay. You wanted to talk,” I say, all business. “Talk.”

Mamoru looks taken aback at my brusqueness. “Um, alright.” He chews his lip again while he thinks about what to say. “Look, here’s the thing. I’m on a scholarship and need this TA job to help pay my tuition. So--”

“So we pretend we never slept together, got it.” I know I sound irritated, and I am. I mean, he doesn’t have to remind me that we screwed up. It’s hard enough having to be all civil to him when really all I want to do is climb in his lap and start purring.

“No, but that’s not it, Usagi--”

“Sounds pretty much like it’s ‘it,’ Mamoru,” I shoot back. What else could there be? He needs the job, he could lose the job if anyone found out, end of.

“I don’t know if I can keep tutoring you either,” he says quietly.

Well, that sucks. “So what you can’t be around me?” I say angrily. I mean, yeah, it’ll be hard, but we can get back to normal, right? “Regret too much?” I can’t resist adding even though it’s kind of the pot calling the kettle black at this point.

Mamoru glares at me. “No, I like you too much, okay?” he snaps. “I can’t tutor you, even be around you, knowing I have to pretend we didn’t sleep together, when all I want to do is throw you on the table and--” He trails off, his face red as a tomato.

Okay, that’s an interesting revelation. And it’s kind of nice to know he feels the same way about me that I feel about him. Nice, but it does complicate things a bit. I mean, it would be easy to just ignore what happened and move on if he didn’t like me back. Then again, I guess if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have slept with me in the first place.

I scoot my chair over to his side of the table and put my hand on his arm. He tenses under my touch, but I don’t pull away. “We could...keep it a secret?” I suggest, my fingers tracing little patterns on his forearm. It’s a cheap shot, but dammit, I want this. Especially now knowing that he does too.

“What, keep sleeping together and somehow no one find out?” He raises an eyebrow at me. “That’s a terrible idea.”

“Yes,” I agree. It is a horrible idea. But hey, in for a penny, in for a pound, right? “But I can’t stop thinking about you.” I tighten my grip on his arm. “About last night….”

His eyes widen almost imperceptibly and I’m pretty sure any last threads of conviction slip away in that moment. He leans towards me, his breath warm across my face, until he stops, remembering where we are. “Motoki has a late class tonight,” he says, his voice husky with want. I shiver.

“How late are we talking?”

Mamoru checks his watch. “Not that late.” He stands up, grabs my hand and pulls me to the door. “Let’s go.”

 

*

 

We don’t even make it to the bedroom this time. He fucks me against the wall outside his bedroom, doesn’t even bother to take all my clothes off. Luckily, I wore a skirt today, so he just rucks it up over my hips, pushes my panties aside and _oh yes please_  

While I’m straightening my clothes, buttoning my top back up, he rests his back against the wall, covering his face with his hands. “This is such a bad idea,” he groans. He slides down the wall until he’s seated, his legs splayed out in front of him.

I’ve never seen Mamoru look anything less than totally collected and I wish it wasn’t so cute to see him like this. “We don’t have to do this,” I say reluctantly. The pleasant ache between my legs says differently, but I have to use my head this time, not my well-fucked vag.

Mamoru looks up at me with a glare which only lasts for a second before it dissolves into defeat. “I’d have to find you another tutor,” he says.

“Fine,” I shrug. I smooth my skirt and then sit next to him, not too close, but close enough to share his body heat.

“We wouldn’t be able to see each other,” he adds.

I shrug again. “We’re both adults. We can control ourselves.” But I mean if I don’t see him, then it won’t bother me that we can’t sleep together right? Because that’s all this is. It’s just sex. Awesome, toe-curling, scream-worthy sex. That’s it.

Mamoru doesn’t say anything for a minute, and I just sit there quietly, waiting. I think my position on this is pretty well-known, and I’m not going to coerce him into sleeping with me. I also can tell that this is a war between what we want versus what we’re supposed to do. I mean, I’m pretty sure Mamoru wouldn’t have brought me here if he didn’t want to keep sleeping with me.

“Why do you have to be so cute?” he mumbles, rubbing his face with his hand in frustration.

“Hey, don’t blame me,” I snap. Though I could say the same thing about him.

“You’re right.” He puts his arm around me and pulls me to his side. Hmm, nice and warm. “If we’re gonna do this, we’re both to blame.”

“It’s kind of romantic, isn’t it?” I say with a laugh. “We’re in this together and all that.”

“Us against the world,” Mamoru adds, chuckling. He drops a kiss on the top of my head and I know the warmth in my chest isn’t just from the afterglow of sex.

“So we’re gonna do this,” I say, looking up at him.

He just stares at me for a moment before leaning in, his nose brushing against mine when he says, “Guess so.” And then he kisses me again.

Well, worse things could happen to me, right?

 

*

 

So tutoring continues as does the sex. We develop a sort of routine that of course revolves around when we can be alone together since no one is supposed to know we’re sleeping together. Luckily since the tutoring thing is still happening, we have plenty of excuses.

At first, it’s awkward sitting in class, knowing Mamoru is sitting not too far away, and knowing that I had seen him naked just the night before and that _no one_ else knows or can know that.

But then, it gets kind of exciting, once that initial awkwardness wears off, because I have this dirty little secret that even my best friends don’t know about. It’s not that I like keeping things from my friends, but it is kind of cool to have this thing that belongs to me and Mamoru and no one else.

And as much as I keep telling myself it’s just sex, it isn’t really. Between the tutoring and everything else, I find myself spending more and more time with him. And he’s actually not that bad to be around, even when he’s teasing me. So I guess we end up as friends with benefits? Secret sex friends? I’ll have to ask him later probably, but I mean, that’s definitely it. Just people who enjoy each other’s company and have awesome sex.

Yeah, that’s it.

 

*

 

So Mamoru gives a guest lecture the Monday after our first test. Dr. Meioh is apparently trying to give him some more experience in front of students, which is nice, I guess. 

I may or may not also take it as an opportunity to subtly torture him, which is bad, I know, but it’s also so much _fun_.

He’s nervous, I can tell, when he gets up to the front and turns on the giant projector. I can’t blame him since he’s probably never been in front of _this_ many students at one time, and god knows I wouldn’t be able to do something like that. His eyes immediately find mine and I smile as reassuringly as I can.

He gets started, talking about...boring physics stuff, I don’t know. Apparently, it’s what he’s researching for Dr. Meioh and something that’s relevant to an introductory physics course? I inwardly groan because god, I am regularly boning a complete and total _nerd_.

It’s hard not to fall asleep, to be completely honest. The chairs in that lecture hall are way too comfortable and with the lights dimmed for the projector, it’s a perfect recipe for naptime. But I know _somehow_ Mamoru will know that I slept through his first lecture, and I’ll never hear the end of it.

So instead, I focus on him, even if not on what he’s saying. I zero in on his jaw as he talks, the light dusting of facial hair I can see illuminated just barely by the projector’s light. I watch his hands move as he talks, gesturing to explain his research. Of course, that leads me to think about _other_ things that his hands can do...and how his shirt looks very nice on him, he’s even wearing a tie in a lovely blue that matches his eyes, but come on, it would look much better _off_ him.

I shift in my chair, crossing my legs to block the sudden ache I feel between them. _Ugh, this is why you don’t fuck your TA_. I tell myself to focus on the lecture. Dr. Meioh’s only going to give us a small quiz to test our retention, but again, Mamoru will never let me live it down if I’m obviously not paying attention.

My shifting apparently catches Mamoru’s attention as I see his eyes flick briefly in my direction. He falters in his sentence, but only barely. I’m probably the only one who noticed. _Hmm_ , _this could be fun_. I wait until he’s back on track and then cough, not too loud but definitely enough.

“You okay?” Rei whispers, leaning toward me.

“Yeah, just a tickle in my throat,” I say back. Mamoru’s eyes are back on me, and he’s barely concealing his annoyance. I grin sweetly.

I again wait just long enough for him to be effortlessly recounting his _fascinating_ research before I stretch and yawn. To his credit, Mamoru doesn’t stumble over his words, but he cuts his eyes at me, lingering a little longer than necessary. That’s when I go in for the kill. I smirk at him and lick my lips. It’s cheesy and over-the-top, but it works.

“Does anyone have any questions?” Mamoru says and I can practically hear the sigh of relief in his voice.

A few kids do have actual questions, especially Ami, my little brainiac. I start tapping my foot, wanting this to be over finally, so I can sneak back to Mamoru’s place and climb him like a freaking tree.

Dr. Meioh thanks us for being a good audience for Mamoru (ooh and I swear he glares at me when she says that) and dismisses us. But before we can disperse, Mamoru’s voice cuts over the noise of backpacks and notebooks closing, “Miss Tsukino, can you see me in my office, please?”

The girls all look at me, and I don’t actually have to feign confusion. Why does he want to see me _now_? “It’s probably about the last quiz,” I say with a shrug. And to be fair, it might be.

They all file out, waving goodbye at me, while I report to the front to find out what exactly Mamoru wants. Most of the class has left, including Dr. Meioh, leaving me and Mamoru pretty much alone, except for a few stragglers.

“If this is about the quiz,” I begin. I didn’t do as well as I should have, but I also hadn’t had a lot of sleep, thanks in part to a certain _someone_. Okay, it was mostly me because every time Mamoru tried to usher me out the door, I would sort of jump on him and well, then I wouldn’t leave for another several hours.

“Come on,” is all he says and wow, he sounds very annoyed. Maybe I pushed him a little too far with my distracting during his first big lecture. In hindsight, that was a little mean.

I follow him around the corner to his tiny, closet-sized office. He ushers me in and shuts the door behind him, leaning against it. I perch on the edge of his desk.

“Look, I’m _sorry_ about distracting you during the lecture,” I say because yeah, he still looks a little pissed. He folds his arms. “I was paying attention though!” Sort of. Kind of. Not really.

Mamoru seems to know this too because he says, “So tell me again which basic concepts you’re supposed to be learning now applied to my research process?”

I open my mouth, and then shut it again. “It was very interesting…” I say in a small voice.

“Sure, Usagi,” he says in a tone that says he doesn’t believe me at all. He pushes off the door and comes towards me, reminding me a very large cat, stalking his prey. He doesn’t stop until he’s standing between my legs, his hands braced on the desk on either side of me, bracketing my hips, his nose brushing against mine.

“I’m...sorry?” I say. Though right now, I’m mostly very _very_ turned on. I mean, I _have_ been pretty much since he started his stupid lecture.

Mamoru somehow manages to lean in closer, and yep, he’s pretty turned on too, if the hardness pressing against my thigh is any indication. He doesn’t say anything, just tilts his mouth to mine, barely brushing his lips against my own, teasingly light.

“Mamoru,” I whine. I move to wrap my arms around his neck, but he takes my hands and holds them against my sides. “I said I was sorry, _god_.”

“Oh, you not getting off that easily.” And I smirk at his double entendre, intended or not.  His lips move away from mine and down my neck to the open collar of my shirt. I yelp when he nips at my collarbone, then soothes the spot with his tongue.

I moan, my head falling back to give him more access to my skin. Of course with his hands trapping mine, it’s not like either of us can get more undressed. “Fine, I’m sorry for distracting you during your very important lecture.” I squirm, wrapping my legs around him and rocking my hips against his. I can feel his breath quicken against my skin.

“And?”

I sigh. “And for also not paying attention during your very important lecture.” He lifts his head to meet my eyes, though he doesn’t lessen his grip on my arms. “Does it make you feel better that I was imagining you naked the whole time?”

Mamoru rolls his eyes. “No, dumpling head, it does not.”

“Spoilsport,” I grumble.

“Usagi?”

“Hmm?”

He lets go of my arms _finally_ , grasping my waist instead. “ _Please_ stop talking,” he says, and before I can retort, he covers my mouth with his in a breathless kiss. I finally get to wind my arms around his neck, twisting my fingers into his thick hair. His fingers fly over the buttons of my blouse, sliding inside to cup my breast. I have to wrench my mouth free to breathe, and he sucks at the juncture of my neck and shoulder.

Mamoru reaches between us to undo my jeans and slides his hand inside my underwear. My head falls back with a sigh when he finds my clit easily, rubbing two fingers against it. My hips fall into a rhythm with his hand while I’m gasping for breath, trying not to scream.

Instead, I tug on his tie to pull his face back up to mine, biting his lower lip until he moans. I slide my hands down his chest to his belt and fly, popping it open.

I whine when he steps away to tug his pants down, freeing his erection, but then remember, oh hey I should probably take my pants off too. I shimmy out of my jeans and underwear and then perch back on the desk, opening my legs invitingly. Mamoru just shakes his head in a fondly exasperated way before stepping back between my legs, pressing against me, making me shiver in anticipation.

“Is this a fantasy of yours?” I can’t help but ask. I mean, it’s pretty kinky of us, fucking in his office.

He doesn’t answer at first, concentrating on sliding inside me and starting a slow, steady rhythm. “I can’t say it hasn’t crossed my mind,” he says finally, his voice uneven as he slides in and out of me.

Hey, at least he’s being honest. “You know, I think I still have my old high school uniform if you want to get into some really kinky roleplay,” I say with a smirk. “I’m sure it fits. The skirt might be a little short though.”

Mamoru manages to glare at me even as he slams back inside, drawing a startled gasp from my lips. I continue though because it’s just so much fun to wind him up. “I can call you Mister Chiba,” I tease. I put on a high-pitched fake voice. “‘Oh, please, Mister Chiba...I know I’ve been a bad girl. Failing my test. Not paying attention.’” I flutter my eyelashes at him for added effect. “‘What can I do to make it up to you?’”

“ _Usagi_ ,” he groans and I can’t tell if it’s in pleasure or annoyance, but he definitely picks up his pace, harder and faster, until I can’t speak anymore, just chant his name, begging him to keep going, don’t stop, please don’t _stop_.

He presses the heel of his hand against my clit and that’s it, I’m coming with a cry, muffled against the front of his shirt. He thrusts once, twice more and then comes as well, gasping my name.

He holds me while we come down from our high, stroking my hair gently. I press my nose against his chest and take a deep breath as my heart rate slowly goes back to normal. After a moment, I lift my head to look at him, grinning at him until a smile splits his face as well. He kisses my nose and then my lips, gentle and sweet as opposed to the heated, breathless kisses from before. When we part, he rests his forehead against mine, still smiling.

“Okay, so is that a no on the teacher-student roleplay, then?”

Mamoru sighs.

 

*

 

We’re lying in bed one night, post-coitus, and a thought occurs to me that I’ve babbled to him about my _whole_ life, my family, my friends, everything, but I barely know anything about him aside from his morning routine (early riser), how he likes his coffee (black with two sugars), his favorite books ( _Harry Potter_ , hands down, but a soft spot for history books). Which, granted, is nothing to sniff at, but I don’t know anything about his past.

I trace circles on his back and say softly, “You’ve never told me anything about your family, you know.” He turns his head to look at me, and I add, “I mean, do they live here or abroad or…?”

Mamoru sighs, and for a moment, I think he won’t tell me. He’ll just clam up and I’ll never know. I mean, that’s fine, it’s not like I really _care_ because you don’t care about your fuck-buddy’s family life, right?

“They’re dead,” he says, his voice muffled slightly by his pillow. “My...parents, I mean.”

I gasp. That’s totally unexpected. I was expecting something like they work abroad and never spend time with him or something similar. It would explain his somewhat antisocial attitude. Then again, I guess this does too. “What happened?”

“I was six. We were coming home for a trip, I think.” He rolls over onto his back and continues, “I don’t remember the crash. I woke up in a hospital a few days later and couldn’t remember anything.” He laughs with no humor. “I didn’t even remember my own name.”

My eyes fill with tears and my chest hurts. “That’s...that’s horrible.”

Mamoru shrugs. “It was a long time ago.”

_No, don’t do that_ , I think. _Don’t pretend it doesn’t bother you to make me feel better._ The words get caught in my throat though and I realize that I have no idea what he’s been through. Nothing to say that will make him feel better. My family has always been there for me, my mother, my father and even my annoying brother. No matter what I always know they’ll be there. And I have my friends. Mamoru has no one. And just the thought of being all alone like that makes it hard for me to breathe.

“I grew up in orphanages and foster homes. Eventually I got myself emancipated and graduated early from school.” He smiles crookedly. “And now I’m here.”

It’s dark, the only light coming from the partially open curtains in his bedroom, so he can’t see my eyes full of tears. But he can hear me sniffle. “Usagi, are you crying?”

“It’s just sad,” I mumble, wiping my eyes as best as I can. “I’m so sorry.”

“Usagi….” He pulls me to him, cradling my head against his chest. “Don’t cry over me. I’m fine.” He kisses the top of my head, rubbing my back gently. “See? I’m okay.”

I snuggle against him, letting him lull me to sleep--even though it goes against our strict no-sleepover policy.

I wake up a few hours later and he’s still sound asleep. It’s a rare moment that I’m awake when he isn’t, so I savor it. I study his sleeping face, the vulnerability I can see there, mixed with what he told me earlier. The mask he wears is slowly slipping off, and it should scare me away. I mean, a guy who kind of acts like a jerk so no one sees the horrible childhood he had? That’s textbook romance-novel hero and also not someone to start a relationship with.

The faint light from outside outlines his face, his nose and strong jaw. And I realize that I don’t care anymore. The more I see of him, _really_ see him, the more I love him. The real him, not the persona he wears to keep people away. The kind of dorky, adorable, vulnerable Mamoru. As much as I try to tell myself this is just sex, I know it isn’t.

Oh god...I’m in love with him.

_Shit_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would once again like to thank my beta [feoplepeel](http://archiveofourown.org/users/feoplepeel) as well as [knight-of-tuxedo](http://knight-of-tuxedo.tumblr.com) and [smokingbomber](http://smokingbomber.tumblr.com) for sharing links to the story. You guys are awesome! Thank you <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're getting into a little bit of drama this chapter with some meddling from the girls. and it's the return of seiya!! my beautiful genderfluid baby darling pie :D enjoy!

*

 

The weirdest thing about my sneaking around with Mamoru behind everyone’s back is how they don’t seem to notice. Or at least, I don’t think they do. Mostly, they haven’t said anything to my face if they have.

At first, I chalk it up to them being too busy with their own schedules to really notice. But I should have known better. Of course, my girls notice that I’m acting weird and blowing them off more often than not.

Which is why it surprises me not at all when Makoto brings me lunch one afternoon. We sit in the quad to eat it, and at least she has the decency to wait a few minutes before she interrogates me.

“Minako said you’ve been really busy lately,” she says, the question in her tone obvious.

“Yeah, between extra tutoring and all my other homework, I guess I have been really busy.”

Makoto doesn’t let me off easy. It’s probably why they sent her to talk to me above any of the others. Ami would just leave it at that and ask about homework. Minako would demand details and would miss the problem altogether. And Rei would just flip her shit and we’d end up in a huge argument that would solve nothing. Makoto is just the right amounts of direct and caring to get the root of the issue. Damn them. I wish I was dealing with Ami instead.

“Come on, Usagi, Minako thinks there’s... _somebody_.” Makoto levels me with a stare. “I mean, she of all people would know.”

“There’s nobody!” I mean there is, but no one I can _tell_ you about. “I’m serious, Mako, there’s no secret...whatever.”

Makoto’s lips twist in an incredulous expression. “You can tell us, Usagi. We’re your best friends. We won’t judge you or anything.”

Ha, she says that _now_. I mean, I think they would judge me a little because let’s face it, I’m being completely stupid. Fucking my TA and then falling in love with him? Yeah. But I also know that they would support me. They love me.

“She thinks you’ve got a crush on Chiba,” Makoto continues. _Oh, they don’t know the half of it_. “And I’ve got to agree with her. You spend _a lot_ of time with him.”

“I’m that bad at physics,” I counter. “And even with all that extra tutoring, I’m still barely averaging a C.”

“He’s not good enough for you, Usagi,” Makoto says with finality. “Also, he’s our TA, so I’m pretty sure that’s frowned upon by the university.”

“It doesn’t matter,” I say quickly. “I don’t have a crush on Chiba.” I’ve blown way past _crush_ at this point.

“Would you tell me if you did?”

I open my mouth to point out what a stupid question that is, _of course_ I would tell her, but I realize that it isn’t an out-of-the-blue question at all. Because I haven’t told them anything. Rei may be the one who works at a Shinto shrine, but Makoto has some mind-reading powers of her own.

“I would,” I say because it isn’t a direct lie. I would tell her if I just had a crush on Mamoru. Which I don’t. Not anymore.

Yeah, I’m a horrible friend.

Makoto kind of sighs and accepts defeat, I guess. She doesn’t press the issue anymore and we finish our lunch in relative silence.

 

*

 

“She’s totally hiding something.”

The four girls sit at their usual corner booth in the coffee shop, keeping their voices low.

Makoto swirls her mocha frappe and shrugs. “She said she’s just spending as much time as possible getting more tutoring.”

Rei frowns. “Bullshit. Even Usagi doesn’t care that much about school.”

“I think it’s good that she’s getting serious about her studies though,” Ami points out. The others glare at her and she adds, “I mean, it _is_ a little strange how much time she spends with Chiba.”

Minako, who had been strangely silent, slams her hand on the table, rattling their drinks. “He is not good enough for our Usagi,” she proclaims. “We have to _do_ something.”

“Like what?” Makoto asks. “It’s not like we can tell her to stop getting tutored. She needs it.”

Minako bats her eyelashes at Ami, who shakes her head vehemently. “I’ve told you all, I’ve got too much of my own work. I’m sorry!”

“What about your boyfriend? Um, what’s his name?”

Ami blushes. “Ryo is not my boyfriend,” she mumbles. “And also has a similar workload. I wouldn’t ask him to do that.”

Minako huffs. “I’m going to get a refill,” she announces, standing. “You all need to put your brains together and figure this out.”

Rei sighs. “We could just threaten him on pain of death if he touches Usagi,” she says.

“Yeah, somehow I don’t think that would go over well,” Makoto says, patting Rei’s shoulder.

Minako comes rushing back to the table and grins. “I’ve got a great idea.”

“Oh dear,” Rei mutters.

“Guess who’s playing a show here next weekend?” Minako waggles her eyebrows and points over her shoulder at the community board. Prominently displayed over the rest of the posters and business cards is an ad for the Three Lights show at the local club.

The other three stare at it for a minute before Rei finally goes, “Ohhh.”

At the same time, they all say, “ _Seiya_.”

Minako grins. “Am I a genius or what?”

 

*

 

“Guess _whaaaaaaat_?”

When Minako uses her sing-song voice, I know I’m probably in for something I’ll probably regret. Needless to say, I still ask, “What?”

“The Three Lights are doing a show here next weekend,” Minako says with a grin. She dumps her backpack onto the ground and then flops down on her bed. “But, of course, I’m sure Seiya already told you about that.”

I haven’t talked to Seiya in months, not since the band went on tour, and Minako knows that. “Actually, no.”

“Oh?” Minako’s voice is laced with false innocence. What is she playing at here? “Don’t worry, I already texted her to let her know how _excited_ you are to see her.” She winks at me.

Wait, what? “Minako, you know Seiya and I broke up a long time ago, right?” I mean she was there for the whole thing, prepared with more chocolate than should be legal and a DVD of _Titanic_ to get me through it and was a little disappointed when I told her I was fine really, it was mutual and friendly. Seiya and I just didn’t work well together and with college on the horizon and the band breaking it big, I knew it was probably better just to quit while we were ahead.

“I know, but...it’ll be nice to see her again, right?” She’s totally up to something.

“Yes, but I don’t want to give her the wrong idea...about us.” Seiya took our break-up fine, but I also know she still really liked me.

And now I’m kind of in love with someone else, so…..

“Oh, I’m sure it’ll be fine!” Minako says. “I mean, who knows? Maybe you’ll rekindle your romance…”

Reasoning with her is beyond hope at this point, so I just let it drop.

I do get a text from Seiya though later that evening when I’m headed to the library to meet Mamoru. _You’re coming to the show right?_ is all it says.

_Of course! Wouldn’t miss it :)_ I mean, regardless of whatever hare-brained scheme Minako is trying to enact, I still wouldn’t miss the Three Lights show.

_I can’t wait to see you. You have to come backstage after, okay?_

I almost want to squash any hope she’s fostering because of _whatever_ Minako told her, but that just seems too mean. I’ll deal with it come Saturday, I guess.

_See you then!_

 

 

*

 

“I don’t see why you think it’s such a big deal.”

I’m standing in Mamoru’s kitchen while he heats up dinner for us, one of Motoki’s stews. Motoki is again at Reika’s for the evening, so I’m hanging out in just one of Mamoru’s shirts and very little else. It’s quite...domestic.

“It is a big deal, Mamoru,” I snap. “I don’t know what Minako told Seiya!” I rub my eyes in frustration and then glare at him. “Does this not bother you at all?”

“Why should it?” He adds some more salt to the stew and stirs.

“Um, I don’t know because my high school ex is coming to town and may want to get back together with me?”

Mamoru shrugs. “So?” At my continued glare, he laughs. “What, do you want me to go all alpha-male and beat my chest? Not going to happen, dumpling head.”

“So this really perturbs you not at all?”

Mamoru continues to focus on the stew. “No. I mean, if you want to get back together with him, fine. Who am I to stop you? It’s not like you’re my property or something.” Well, that’s very progressive of him. I do frown at his automatic use of male pronouns to describe Seiya...which I know wouldn’t bother her, but still.

Before I can think about correcting Mamoru though, he continues, “Besides, we’re just sleeping together, so…”

That shouldn’t feel like a knife in my heart, but it does. I mean, I haven’t told Mamoru how I feel about him and I don’t know if I ever will. Especially not now since apparently he only thinks of me as a fuck-buddy and nothing else. Great.

“And you clearly don’t want to get back together with him,” Mamoru adds. “Since you’re getting so worked up about this.”

Well, at least I always knew where I stood with Seiya. Subtlety was never her strong suit.

“Here, tell me if this needs more pepper.” Mamoru holds the spoon out for me and waits. Part of me wants to shove the spoon at him and get boiling hot stew all over his stupid face. But I know I can’t fault him for sticking to the exact arrangement we made. I’m the one being dumb with my feelings and shit.

Still, I can’t help but be annoyed the rest of the evening, especially when I’m heading out the door and Mamoru kisses me as I open it. Do you kiss your fuck-buddies goodbye before they leave? I don’t know seeing as I’ve never had one before.

And probably never will again after this. Too much drama.

 

*

 

Saturday rolls around quicker than I expected. The girls and I get all dolled up to go the Three Lights show. Mamoru surprises me by texting me a few hours before, telling me to have fun and he’d see me Sunday. That’s quite thoughtful. And not helping with my current situation.

The show is amazing as always. The Three Lights always know how to put on a show and Seiya works the crowd like usual, hamming it up by throwing roses into the audience to the delighted screams of the female audience members. I watch from further back, a bemused smile on my face, remembering how I used to date her, poor me.

We’re hanging by the bar after the show is over when I feel a pair of arms snake around my waist and lift me in the air.

“Seiya!” I screech, though I can’t help but laugh. I throw my arms around her neck and hug her tight. Despite my turmoil, it _is_ good to see her.

“Hey,” she says with a crooked grin. “You girls like the show?”

We talk for a few minutes while we wait for her sisters, Taiki and Yaten, to join us. Once the whole group is together, Seiya grabs my hand and pulls me away, leading me up to the backstage door.

“Seiya…” I don’t want to hurt her, but I also don’t want to give her the wrong idea about us. She pulls me into the dressing room marked “Three Lights” and shuts the door.

“It’s cool, Usagi,” Seiya says, leaning against the closed door. “I just wanted to be alone with you for a minute.”

_Why_? is my first thought. My second is how _great_ she looks now that I’m getting a chance to really see her. She was always high on adrenaline after a show, cheeks flushed, eyes sparkling. It’s no wonder I fell so hard for her so quickly. No one, guy or girl, can really resist Seiya’s charm.

“Why did you want to be alone?” I finally ask, watching her push herself away from the door and go over to the couch situated in the middle of the room, flopping onto it with surprising grace. _Please don’t be about whatever Minako said, please, oh please_.

“It’s just been so long since we saw each other,” Seiya says with a shrug. “We never get to really talk anymore.” She gestures to the spot near her on the couch and I go to sit, close, but not _too_ close.

“So, what’s new, kid?” Seiya grins, poking me in the side with her foot.

_Um, I started fucking my TA a few weeks ago and now I’m in love with him and he doesn’t know it and none of my friends know that we’re sleeping together and everything’s just so fucked up and I don’t know what to do anymore._ I, of course, say none of this, even though I do want to. There’s always been something about Seiya, her openness, her earnestness, that makes me want to tell her _everything_.

Instead, I say, “Nothing much.” And shrug, for full effect.

Seiya snorts. “ _Please_.” She sits up, leaning forward so she can poke my side, tickling me a little bit. “Tell me your secrets, Usagi. What’s been going on?”

Oh my god, can she read my freaking mind? Not possible, no way. “I’m failing physics?” I supply, hoping that’s enough for her. Yes, let her think my life is so completely boring that the only thing worth mentioning is me failing physics.

Seiya starts to laugh. “Of course you are.” She reaches forward and ruffles my hair, reminding me of a certain someone. I can feel the blush crawling up my face.

“It’s really good to see you, Seiya,” I say, reaching for her hand, not pulling away when she laces our fingers together. “I miss you.” She rubs her thumb across the back of my hand and I realize that I’m not exactly helping the _I-don’t-want-to-get-back-together-with-you_ situation. “I mean, not like _that_ ,” I continue, flustered. “Just you know...hanging out with you, or whatever.”

“I know, Usagi,” Seiya says. “With everything going on, I’m not really looking for another relationship.” She squeezes my hand. “You’ll always be special to me, babe, but I don’t think we worked as a couple, you know?” She’s right, of course. It wasn’t just the band hitting it big and me heading off to school that broke us up. Seiya and I are both so high strung and excitable that instead of mellowing each other out, we just exploded. It made for a pretty intense first relationship that was great when we were both happy, but man...our fights were _bad_.

I always wondered if she felt the same as I did about us and hearing her say it out loud makes me sigh in relief, my chest expanding so I can breathe. “Yeah, I know.” Her understanding just makes me want to confide in her more, ugh.

And I think Seiya realizes that I want to tell her something important, but something’s holding me back. Instead of pressing me though, she just smiles warmly and opens her arms. “Come here, you.” I throw myself into her embrace, burrowing my face into her shoulder and take a deep breath. She rubs my back and hugs me tight. It’s nice, so very nice, just to let someone hold me for a little while, knowing it’s just comfort and friendship, nothing more than that. My brain slows down and my nerves don’t feel as frazzled.

I pull away after several moments and kiss Seiya’s cheek. “Thanks,” I say. She doesn’t know what I’m thanking her for, but I want her to know she helped at least.

“No prob--” She gets cut off by the door opening. We both turn, ready to jump on whoever is interrupting our moment, when I gasp because _Mamoru is standing there?_

Mamoru looks back and forth between us for several seconds before he turns away, back down the hallway and out into the club.

“Mamoru!” I shout after him. “Mamoru, wait!” I jump off the couch, out of Seiya’s embrace and run back down the hallway, Seiya close behind me.

I lose Seiya in the crowd once we’re back in the club proper, but that’s probably for the best.

I find Mamoru’s car parked a little ways down the street and I sprint to it before he can drive away. I pull on the passenger door handle and of course he’s already locked it. “Mamoru!” I knock on the glass. “Let me in. I can explain.”

The door unlocks and I slide into the passenger’s seat. He has both hands on the steering wheel, pointedly not looking at me. “You don’t have to explain, Usagi,” he says quietly. “I told you, it’s fine.”

“I’m not getting back together with Seiya,” I say.

“Really?” Mamoru snorts and when he continues, he sounds hurt. “You looked pretty cozy back there.” He adds, more confused this time, “With your...girlfriend.”

I sigh. “Okay, Seiya is technically genderfluid.” Mamoru continues to look confused and I continue, “Basically she doesn’t identify as one gender or the other and is fine with either pronoun. That’s why I didn’t correct you before.” _Also you made that comment about us just sleeping together, which I’m kind of questioning now since you’re_ here _._

Mamoru is quiet for a minute, clearly still processing this information. Finally, all he says is, “Huh.”

“Does it bother you that I’ve dated her?” Because if it does, this relationship is probably not going to last much longer.

Mamoru looks appalled. “Of course not! I don’t care, Usagi.” He reconsiders his own words and then backs up, “Wait, I mean, I don’t care that she’s, you know, _a she_ , or something inbetween. That’s _fine_...”

“But you care about…?”

Mamoru sighs, dropping his forehead to the steering wheel. “I care if you’re going to get back together with her,” he mumbles.

I can’t stop the grin that splits my face. Luckily, Mamoru can’t see it, so I can pretend to be serious when I say, “Because…?”

His head rotates, forehead still against the steering wheel, but so he can actually look at me. He takes a deep breath and says, “Because I like you, okay? Happy?”

“Yes.” I’m still grinning. My heart swells with joy. He _likes_ me! He _likes_ me likes me.

Mamoru looks surprised. “You are?”

“Yes, idiot.” I roll my eyes. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Mamoru lifts his head, a smile breaking out over his face, too. “You like me too?” The hope in his tone makes me grin harder. Ugh, he’s so fucking _cute_ , curse him.

“I have for awhile, but I didn’t want to say anything, especially after you were all like, ‘Well, we’re just sleeping together.’” I take a deep breath, knotting my fingers together in my lap. “It’s mostly that we spend so much time together and I like being around you, not just having sex with you, so obviously there’s something else going on, right?”

“Usagi,” he says.

“And if it makes you feel any better,” I continue. “I’ll always care about Seiya, but not like _that_. Not anymore. I think we always made better friends anyway.”

“Usagi.”

“Hmm?”

He leans forward and kisses me soundly, his tongue tracing my lips before slipping inside. “You were rambling,” he murmurs against my mouth.

“Sorry.” I sound a little delirious, but hey, Mamoru’s a damn good kisser.

He smiles again, kissing the corners of my mouth. “I wasn’t going to, you know, fight Seiya or anything. But I thought maybe if I showed up...you wouldn’t want to get back together with him...er, her.”

“Because you don’t want me to?”

“No.” He nuzzles my cheek. “I want to keep you all to myself.” He pauses. “Is that okay?”

Okay? It’s more than okay. I grin, winding my arms around his neck. “I think I can work with that.”

He laughs and kisses me again, sending warmth straight down my belly, between my legs.

“Take me home,” I whisper, my lips still pressed to his. “Please?”

I don’t have to ask twice. Mamoru settles back into the driver’s seat, turns the car on and guns it down the road.

 

*

 

We’re barely in the door before I jump on him, arms around his neck, legs around his waist, kissing him madly. He pulls away for a second to catch his breath, moaning, “Usagi...wait.”

“No,” I say, pulling at his shirt collar to expose more of his skin, trailing kisses down his neck. He tries to make it to the bedroom, barely making it through the doorway before he loses his balance and stumbles back into the wall. I take the opportunity to pull his shirt the rest of the way open, tugging it off his shoulders and down his arms. And I don’t stop there. My hands move to his belt and his fly, sliding my hand inside his boxers while I pepper kisses along his jawline. My hand closes around his cock and I smirk against his lips. “Someone’s excited,” I murmur, squeezing gently.

“You are an evil, _evil_ woman,” Mamoru groans, tipping his head back as I start a steady, teasing rhythm. “ _Horrible_.”

“But you _love_ it.” I stand on my tiptoes to whisper in his ear and grin when he shivers.

“S-stop, Usagi.” He grabs my wrist, pulling my hand away. I start to protest, but he kisses me instead, flipping our positions so I'm the one pressed against the wall instead.

He raises my arms over my head, kissing the inside of each of my wrists as he does. His lips trail down my neck, over my breasts and my stomach, fisting in the fabric of my top and pulling it over my head in one smooth motion. Oh yeah, I forgot I wore my cute bra tonight, the black lacy one with the pink bows. Minako convinced me to buy it (and the matching panties) even though I insisted it was stupid because I didn't have anyone to wear it _for._

“That's not the point!" Minako had said. "You wear it for _you_ , girl. To be sexy for yourself. Get it?"

I do like wearing it for an extra confidence boost, but checking myself out in the mirror doesn't really compare to the absolutely _hungry_ expression on Mamoru's face when his eyes fall on my breasts encased in expensive lace. He normally doesn’t notice my underwear since he’s usually trying to get it _off_ as quickly as possible. Not that I blame him. The almost predatory look in his eyes goes straight between my legs and if he doesn’t start touching me, I might go _insane_.

“See something you like?” I ask. His eyes never leave my breasts as he nods, reaching out for me, cupping the fabric, running his thumbs over my nipples through the lace. “Didn’t think I owned anything like this, huh?”

“I mean, I never thought about it,” he says. “It’s…nice though.”

I snort. His words are ambivalent enough--I mean, he could be talking about the weather for god’s sake--but his hands are trembling slightly and his breathing definitely picks up. I’m definitely filing this away for future use.

Mamoru reaches around me for the clasp, biting into my neck until I moan loudly. He runs his tongue over the bruise and I notice that it’s taking awhile for the bra to disappear. As nice as it is to be admired in something I spent too much money on, I would kind of like his hands and mouth on my _bare_ breasts, thanks.

“Having trouble?”

Mamoru grunts. “I think it’s stuck.” I can feel him fumbling with it and just laugh.

“Let me do it.” I push him back and reach around to undo the clasp quickly. It sticks for a second and then pops open. Mamoru narrows his eyes as I pull the straps down my shoulders and toss the bra behind him.

“I loosened it for you,” he says with a slight pout.

“Sure, honey.” I brush his hair away from his face and kiss him again, gently this time. He winds his arms around my now naked torso and lifts me, carrying me to the bed. He pushes his pants and boxers off while I shimmy out of my skirt and underwear. As nice as the playing around is, I’ve had enough foreplay for one night and spread my legs invitingly, locking eyes with his.

He unwraps the condom in record time and pulls me to him, positioning my legs around his waist. He slides the head of his cock against my folds, already soaking wet even though he’s barely touched me. In the back of my mind, I’m a little embarrassed about how easily he affects me, but it’s also kind of erotic since he seems to be the _only_ one who can affect me this way.

“God, you’re so wet,” he murmurs. He kisses my forehead, nuzzling against my hair.

“Only for you,” I say. I rest my hands on his shoulders, rocking my hips forward for more contact. The head catches against my clit and I cry out. “Mamoru, _please_.”

“Someone’s excited,” he says with a smirk, throwing my words back at me. I roll my eyes, and when he leans down to kiss me again, I bite his lower lip, not hard, but enough.

He finally pushes inside me with a groan. My head falls back, it feels so _good_. I’m ruined for sex forever because it will never feel as good as with him. _Ever_. That might be an overstatement on my part, but at this moment, with him inside me, I can’t think of anything better.

Mamoru leans all the way forward, placing his hands on either side of my head on the pillow, using them to steady himself as he rocks deeper into me, catching against that swollen spot on my front wall. His pace is steady but hard, each thrust rattling my very core. He ducks his head, pressing his cheek against mine, panting into my ear. I can hear myself, moaning louder and louder with each thrust, but I can’t stop it, I’m so so so _so close._

“Usagi, god, you’re so…perfect,” he pants, pressing his forehead against mine, his gaze on mine as he moves. His eyes are mesmerizing enough when he’s not _literally_ inside me, but I hold his gaze, watching the play of emotions as he fucks me into the mattress.

“Mamoru…I….” I’m beyond the place where I can form coherent thought that isn’t pleas and variations on his name. I want to tell him that I’m in love with him. Madly. Deeply. All that jazz. But more than that right now, I just want to _come_.

He brushes his lips against mine. I’m right at the edge. He just needs to change his angle a little bit and I know it will be seconds before I’m coming hard.

“You’re close?” he asks. His nose brushes against mine as I nod.

I expect that he’ll lean in closer, angling his hips so that each thrust rubs against my clit. But he doesn’t. In fact, he _slows down_ , pulling all the way out before slowly, almost painfully, pushing back in.

“ _Mamoru_ ,” I whine. “Please…I need….”

“Trust me,” he says. He continues that tortuously slow pace, slamming into me hard enough that I see stars. I try rubbing my hips against his, but he’s bigger than me, has me pinned against the bed so I can barely move.

“ _Please_ , Mamoru.” My clit throbs with the need to be touched. I could use my own hands, but I have a feeling he’s playing some kind of game here, waiting for me to say the right thing before he lets me come. It’s actually quite…sensual. Erotic. Take your pick. I have a feeling this is going to be one hell of an orgasm. You know, when I actually _get_ it.

“Please what?” he whispers, his voice right at my ear. “What do you need?”

I groan in frustration mostly, but also because he slams into me again, holding himself inside me. This has got to be painful for him too, I realize. I try flexing my inner walls around him and definitely notice his breathing stutter. “ _Usagi_.”

“I need to come,” I say. I push my hips down against his, turning his face so I can look him in the eye. “Please. Let me come.”

Those were the magic words. His mouth crashes into mine, messy and frantic, a clash of tongues and harsh breaths as his pace picks up to the brutally fast and hard one that I’ve grown to love these past few weeks. He angles his hips to catch my clit with each thrust and then...

My orgasm is earth-shattering. Mind-blowing. I scream so loud, my throat feels raw. I don’t even feel him come with me. Maybe I blacked out because the next thing I’m really aware of is him kissing all over my face, holding himself over me.

“You okay?” he asks, worry etched into his features.

“That was…oh my god.” I brush his sweaty bangs from his face and grin. “I don’t have words. That was…holy shit.”

He smiles back, kissing my lips tenderly. He lies back with a sigh and I snuggle against his chest.

“So was that my payback for maybe possibly running off with my ex?” I ask, trailing my fingers over his stomach.

Mamoru laughs. “Don’t be ridiculous.” He tightens his arm around me and says, still laughing. “There was never a competition.”

“He says now with me naked in his bed, fucked to satisfaction,” I deadpan.

“Well at least you’re satisfied,” he smirks, kissing the tip of my nose.

“Oh, consider this war, my friend.” I push myself up over him and grin devilishly. “Remember…I know you’re ticklish.”

Mamoru’s eyes widen in horror. “You wouldn’t.”

I laugh maniacally. “Oh I _so_ would. Payback’s a bitch!” I crawl over him, running my hands over his sides and his belly, tickling him with precision.

He laughs, curling in on himself to avoid my ruthless tickles, but it doesn’t work. When he’s gasping for breath and begging me to stop, I relent and curl up against him, pressing soft kisses against his skin instead.

“You’re a cold, ruthless woman, Usagi,” Mamoru says solemnly, a hint of smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “But I’ll keep you, I guess.”

“Thanks, jerk,” I say, pinching his side. He yelps and I take the opportunity to straddle his hips, positioning his arms above his head, leaning forward until our noses brush.

“It seems the tables have turned,” I say with a smirk.

“I’m okay with it,” Mamoru replies easily. He shifts his hips under me and I can already feel his cock pressing against my backside.

“Tickling gets you hard then?” I ask with a raised eyebrow. “Good to know…?”

“Ha, ha, very funny, dumpling head.”

“Yeah, well now you’re about to know how much of a bitch payback really is,” I say, leaning forward to barely brush my lips against his. I grin. “Now, be a good boy and _don’t move_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're at the halfway point! ....ish...i think? anyway, it's all downhill from here :P thanks again to everyone who's been bookmarking and kudos-ing and commenting, you all are amazing and i looooove you. also thanks as always to my fabulous beta, ily <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> your regularly scheduled smut will return next chapter update, but until then enjoy big reveals! minako antics! and a....love confession???

*

 

Mamoru is already awake when I slowly open my eyes the next morning. He’s lying on his side, facing me with a lazy smile on his face. “Were you watching me sleep?” I ask.

“You were snoring,” he says with a chuckle. “It was kind of cute.”

I don’t know if “snoring” and “cute” go in the same sentence, unless “not” is between them, but whatever. I return his grin and roll over into the circle of his arms, snuggling against his chest. Yeah, I can get used to this, definitely.

We stay like that for awhile before it suddenly occurs to me that I left the girls at the club last night without saying anything and _holy shit I am in so much trouble_. Again.

I practically vault out of bed and to where my skirt was discarded last night, fishing for my cell phone. As expected, I have several missed calls and frantic text messages from all four of my friends. Rei even left a voicemail that I am so not going to listen to. I’m certain it contains many four-letter words at my expense.

I hear Mamoru moving around behind me while I try to figure out what to do. I can’t keep lying to them. I mean at this point, they have to _know_ I’m lying and are just waiting for me to confess on my own. But this is a gross breach of friend conduct on so many levels. Leaving your girls at the club for a guy that you haven’t even told them you’re sleeping with? Yeah, I’m so going to friend-hell, if that’s a thing.

Surprisingly, I also see a text from Seiya that reads _I totally covered for you last night. Not sure if it worked, but you owe me. And by owe me I mean you better tell me about your hot man candy…_

I sigh. Considering that Seiya was kind of a witness, I suppose I do owe her an explanation. I owe the girls one too, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to confide in them.

Seiya on the other hand is leaving town today, so I have no problem telling her.

I quickly text back, _Meet me at the coffee shop on campus in an hour. I’ll explain._

She sends me a quick affirmative text and I start pulling on my skirt. I can hear Mamoru in the kitchen, making coffee.

“Everything okay?” he asks when I finally enter the kitchen, dressed.

“My friends are going to kill me,” I groan. “I am dead.”

Mamoru kind of chuckles until I glare at him and then he clams up. “I’m sure they’ll understand when you explain.”

“That’s the thing, Mamoru!” I snap. “I can’t explain! What am I supposed to say? ‘Sorry girls! I went home with our TA last night...oops, did I not mention we've been banging for awhile now?”

Mamoru frowns, opens his mouth to say something and then his shoulders slump in defeat. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Seiya said she covered for me, but I don’t exactly know what that means.” I check my phone and then head for the door. “Speaking of which, I’ve got to meet her. I’ll call you later.”

Mamoru intercepts me though. “Wait, why do you have to meet her?”

“To figure out what she said to the girls…” I trail off and Mamoru gives me an _And?_ look. I sigh. “And to tell her about us.” Mamoru looks appalled, but I cut him off before he can say anything. “Look it’s driving me nuts not to tell anyone! And Seiya’s leaving town like today, so don’t worry about it.” I cup Mamoru’s face and gently place a peck on his lips. “If there’s anyone I trust, it’s Seiya, okay?”

Mamoru does not look convinced however. Fine, I don’t need him to be, I just need him to trust me. I head to the door and hear the jingle of Mamoru’s keys behind me. He’s shrugging into his coat.

“I’ll drive you,” is all he says.

 

*

 

So this is fun. My ex-girlfriend and my kind-of-sort-of-not-quite-yet boyfriend. Great.

Mamoru actually grabs a newspaper and sits a few seats away from me and Seiya, hilariously peeking over the top of the paper every now and then to keep an eye on us. I just roll my eyes at him and focus my attention on Seiya.

“How pissed were the girls when I bolted last night?” I ask, afraid of the answer.

“Pretty pissed, according to Taiki and Yaten.” Seiya says. “I texted them the sitch...sort of. They ran interference. Anyway, though I think they were mostly just worried. They didn’t see Mamoru...at least, I don’t think so.”

“So what did you tell them to say?”

Seiya grins. “That you went home with me.” My mouth falls open and I make an indignant noise. “What? It was the only way to explain your disappearance without spilling the beans.” She shoots a look at Mamoru over her shoulder and then says, “Which um, mind telling me why we aren’t spilling the beans?”

I take a deep breath and launch into the whole story, everything I wanted to say last night, but couldn’t bring myself too. At first, I plan to keep it simple, but as usual with Seiya, I just start pouring out everything. It reminds me that even though we never worked out as a couple, I still consider her one of my best friends and someone I can confide in no matter what. I love my girls, but they can be so overprotective sometimes. Okay, _all_ the time.

“I don’t know what to do, Seiya,” I say once I’ve finished. “It’s way more complicated than it was supposed to be.”

“Ah, that’s love thought, isn’t it?” She winks. When I don’t rise to the jest, she puts her hand on my arm and squeezes. “It’s going to be okay, Usagi,” she says gently. “I mean the only thing keeping you guys from actually dating is the whole he’s-your-TA thing right?”

I nod. And to be honest, I’m not even sure how binding that is. I mean, he seems to think he’ll get into trouble for our little affair, but he’s only a teacher assistant, right?

“So wait til the semester’s over. You’ve only got another month right?”

“Plus exams.” Oh boy, that sets a whole ‘nother knot of anxiety in my stomach.

“I say just cool it for awhile,” Seiya continues. “Then when the semester’s over, you guys, I don’t know, bump into each other for coffee and sparks fly or whatever.”

I’m silent for a minute, thinking. It is a good plan. Though with all the extra tutoring I’m still getting from him, I’m not sure how much “cooling it” we can do. Of course, considering how stressed I know I’m going to be with exams, maybe it’ll be easier than I think.

“Thank you,” I say, placing my hand over Seiya’s. “Seriously, thanks. You’re probably the best ex a girl could ask for.”

Seiya laughs. “Thanks...I think?”

“No seriously, you are the best.” I lean forward and kiss her cheek quickly.

“I’m always here for you,” Seiya says, seriously. “You know that.”

I nod. Seiya checks her phone and then sighs. “I’ve got to go. We’re supposed to leave in an hour.” She rolls her eyes. “You know Yaten. If I’m not there at exactly the right time, she’ll blow a gasket.”

I laugh and stand up with her to walk out with her. We pass by Mamoru’s table, his head still stuck conspicuously in the newspaper. Seiya stops abruptly at his table and clears her throat. Mamoru looks up, confused.

Seiya glares at him and says, “If you do anything to hurt her, I will find you.” She leans down, her voice dropping to a deadly whisper. “I promise.”

“Um, I wasn’t planning on it, but, uh, okay?” Mamoru looks at me for help and I just shrug.

I hug Seiya goodbye and watch as she heads down the street to meet her sisters. Now that _that_ is taken care of, it’s time to do some damage control with the girls.

This will be fun.

 

*

 

I send a quick group text to the girls, apologizing for disappearing last night. They are...surprisingly forgiving considering I have never once flaked out on them because of a hook up. Makoto says that she figured I was going to be MIA once Seiya and I disappeared backstage. Rei does her usual, “Just don’t do it again or else!” that I’m used to.

I should feel off the hook, but I don’t. I just continue to feel guilty for lying to them.

And getting back to the dorm to find Minako standing in the middle of the room, arms folded, smirking, does not help that feeling.

“Um, hey?” I say, dropping my bag on my desk.

“So...you hooked up with Seiya last night?” she says, her head turning to follow me around the room.

“Yep,” I reply as nonchalantly as possible. “No big deal. It was just a one time thing, for, um, nostalgia’s sake.”

“Uh huh.” She doesn’t buy it. Not at all. I don’t even have to be looking at her to tell that.

I wait for her to demand details, but she doesn’t. Instead, she crosses the room and sits in her own desk chair, still facing me, and _waits_.

I give her about ten minutes before I finally whirl around toward her and say, exasperated, “Okay, _what_?”

“I’m just trying to put the pieces together, that’s all,” Minako responds in a sweet tone.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, okay, let’s go with the story that you hooked up with Seiya,” she says, twirling a piece of her hair around a finger. “But you forget, I _live_ with you. Remember when you showed up Monday morning after not coming home the night before? That was...what, a few weeks ago? Seiya was like halfway across the country? Unless she bought a plane ticket for you to come fuck her?”

“That was just some--”

“Random person?” Minako snorts. “You don’t sleep with random strangers, Usagi. I know you.”

“Maybe I was drunk?”

“On a Sunday night?” Her look is incredulous. “I’ve seen your hickeys, girl. This is an _ongoing_ thing.” Dammit, I thought Mamoru had been careful enough not to leave marks where anyone could see them. Then again, sharing a small room with Minako means that she sees me barely clothed and/or naked way more than other people.

Then Minako goes in for the kill. “Usagi, why won’t you just tell me?”

I twist my fingers in my skirt, looking everywhere but her face because I _know_ she’s doing sad-blue-eyes and I _will_ crumble. “Minako, it’s not that I don’t _want_ to, but I just---”

Minako sighs. I think maybe she’ll drop it, but she suddenly gasps. “Wait, you go to Chiba’s for tutoring on Sundays.”

Oh _shit_.

Quick, play it off, Usagi. “Yeah in like the afternoons or whatever.”

Minako leaps to her feet, pointing at me with a shaking finger. “You’re sleeping with _Chiba_ ,” she shrieks. “Oh. My. _God_.” She cackles and adds, “I _knew_ it.”

Now it’s my turn to gasp. “You _knew_?”

“Well, I mean I can put two and two together.” She folds her arms, her face smug. “And they say I’m not _smart_.”

I could just keep lying to her, but it’s _Minako_ , there’s no way I can keep this under wraps anymore. Ugh, Mamoru is going to kill me. “Minako, you can’t say _anything_ , okay? Not even to the girls.”

“Are you kidding?” Oh god, I do not want to have this fight with her. Why couldn’t someone else have found out, literally anyone but blabbermouth Minako?

But she continues, “Of _course_ I’m not going to tell anyone. Do you think I want people to know that _my_ best friend and roommate is sleeping with that pretentious asshole?” She scoffs. “Not a chance.”

I sigh in relief. Her logic is questionable but as long as she keeps the secret, I couldn’t give a shit why.

Minako flounces over to my bed and falls onto it on her stomach, perching her chin on her hands. “So, he must be amazing in bed if you’ve been keeping this up for, what, almost a month?”

I blush, a smile creeping onto my face. This is the part that I haven’t been able to have. The part where I _gush_ and spill all the details of my sordid affair. Well maybe not _all_ the details. “A lady never kisses and tells,” I say, fluttering my eyelashes as Minako rolls her eyes.

“And are there any ladies here? Didn’t think so.” She sits up straighter and grabs my arm. “Details. _Now_.”

Okay, so I don’t tell her _everything_ because I do want to keep some things to myself, obviously. But we spend the next few hours gabbing and giggling even as I hide my face in embarrassment at Minako’s seemingly endless barrage of questions.

 

*

 

Unsurprisingly, having Minako know about me and Mamoru makes things suddenly much easier and makes my stress level go down considerably. I have another outlet when I want to sneak off with Mamoru as opposed to saying that I’m always studying which gets the girls off my back for a little while at least.

That doesn’t mean that Minako’s _happy_ about it.

“Do you mind telling Mako and Rei that I’m sick?” I ask Minako, twisting my hands nervously in front of me. We’re all supposed to meet for a study session, but I would much rather study with Mamoru. And by study I mean _distract him while he tries to study and then eventually have sex_.

Minako sighs heavily. “Seriously? How many times a _day_ do you two go at it?”

I scoff. “We barely see each other during the week, Minako.” Though I suppose we _do_ make up for it when we see each other.

I bat my eyes at her and finally she relents. “ _Fine_ ,” she snaps. “But don’t come crying to me when you do get sick. It’s called karma, lady.”

Minako continues to be a reluctant misdirect for me, but the problem becomes that since Minako knows everything and I can be pretty open with her, I kind of forget to lie to the girls. Which is horrible. That I’m lying. Not that I forget to lie. That’s unintentionally good.

“So they’re playing all these old horror movies tonight at the campus cinema,” Makoto says over dinner one night. “Who’s in?”

“Definitely,” Rei replies with a grin. “And Ami’s going even if we have to drag her, kicking and screaming.”

Ami balks, but before she can say anything, Makoto interrupts, “You haven’t had a night off in weeks. No excuses.”

The girls then look to me and Minako. I’m definitely not since I already promised Mamoru I would come by after dinner. My problem set isn’t going to do itself and well...you can finish that pun.

I exchange looks with Minako and she can easily read my quiet plea for an excuse. She rolls her eyes. “We can’t. Usagi and I have a... _thing_.” Well, you could be a little more subtle about making an excuse, Minako.

Rei’s not quite buying it. “A thing?” She raises her eyebrow.

“Yeah...a _dorm_ thing.”

“A hall meeting!” I chime in.

“That’s going to take all night?” Makoto asks.

“It’s gonna be long. And boring.” I nudge Minako until she nods half-heartedly in agreement. “And I have a ton of homework.” At their disappointed faces, I add, “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I am too,” Minako mutters. I kick her under the table.

Once we’re back up in our room, Minako glowers at me from her desk as I pack up my stuff to go to Mamoru’s. “Thanks again,” I say. “You know, for covering me.”

“Oh, no problem!” Minako says sarcastically. “Just call me your cover girl because that’s all I do now.”

“Look, I promise that I’ll explain everything to them when the semester is over.”

Minako groans. “So I have to put up with this for, like, three more weeks?” Her head hits her desk with an audible _thunk_. “I hate you,” she says, her voice muffled under her hair.

“It’ll be over before you know it!” I say as cheerfully as possible, sneaking out the door when her back is still turned.

Yeah, I feel horrible for continuing to lie to my friends _and_ now dragging Minako into it. Though I know she has no problem lying necessarily, it’s just that she doesn’t want to be roped into my schemes when it’s because of a guy she hates...for some reason.

But I hold onto my words to her, that it’ll all be over at the end of the semester, and everything will be fine. Totally. Maybe.

 

*

 

Mamoru texts me one afternoon while I’m at the library finishing up an ethics paper, saying that Motoki’s gone all afternoon at work, do I want to come over? I send back a response quickly, teasing him about wanting a booty call.

_Maybe I just want to see you. Didn’t think about that, huh?_

Ugh, he can be so charming when he wants to be. I blush and type back, _Well considering all we do these days is study physics and have sex….?_

_Studying physics it is then._

_It’ll be good for you. Builds character._

_Jerk._ A pause. _I’ll be there in 15._

Naturally, we do not study physics. I practically jump him the minute he opens the door. And boy, he does not let me live that down. “Now who’s the one wanting a booty call?” he says with a smirk against my lips.

“Shut _up_ , Mamoru.” He just laughs.

Afterwards, when we’re both sweaty and sated, cuddled up together on Mamoru’s bed, I realize that as much as I enjoy the actual sex part of sex, I’m starting to really like this whole afterglow, pillow-talk thing. Mamoru’s much more relaxed when he’s just been fucked senseless.

Unfortunately, we do have to return to our normal lives, as opposed to staying in a nice, warm cocoon of awesome sex and snuggling. Boo. Mamoru is the first to drag himself away with a groan, rolling over to check his watch. “I have to meet Dr. Meioh in an hour,” he mutters. “Shit, I totally forgot.”

It’s when he’s shrugging into his shirt while I’m still lying on the bed (and yes, I am _shamelessly_ checking him out) that it suddenly occurs to me that I’ve so far let this whole “yes we do like each other” thing slide. We’ve just been carrying on as usual, with the added bonus of Minako running interference. I suppose _that_ distracted me so much that I completely forgot to, you know, _ask_ him if this is even going anywhere. I mean, I assume...but it would be nice to have verbal confirmation.

“Hey, Mamoru?”

“Hmm?"

“Can I ask you something?”

“Well you just did,” he says with a smirk, leaning down to brush his lips across mine. “But you can ask me something else.”

“Jerk.” It takes everything in my power not to wrap my arms around his neck and pull him back into bed with me. Ugh, focus, Usagi. “I was just...I mean, I’ve been thinking about...you know, what are we doing?”

Mamoru blinks at me, confused for a moment. Then he just lapses into snark. “Well, _I’m_ getting dressed right now. Something you should probably do too.”

I glare at him. “You _know_ that’s not what I meant.”

Mamoru just shrugs in response, sitting down beside me on the bed so he can put his shoes on. “Well no, but I don’t know _exactly_ what you mean, to be fair.”

I roll my eyes. Man, he can be oblivious sometimes. It’s equal parts cute and frustrating. “Look, do you want to date me or not?” I pause and then add, “Like for real. Really date.”

Mamoru just laughs. “Of course I do. I thought we had established that.”

“No, we established that there were... _feelings_ at play here.” He raises an eyebrow at my phrasing. “You know as opposed to just being friends with benefits.”

He gives me an exasperated look. “Yes, I really officially want to date you, Usagi Tsukino.” He leans over and kisses my cheek. “Happy?”

I’m trying to pout, but my grin is too powerful. “Yes.”

I wind my arms around his neck and press my face against his shoulder, letting out a breath. I mean, it’s not like I thought he’d say he _didn’t_ want to date me. But, you know, hearing him say it and assuming he’ll think it are two totally different things.

I’ve finally worked up the nerve to actually get out of bed and get dressed, but Mamoru has other plans apparently. He pushes me back onto the mattress, peppering kisses all over my face and down my neck. _Hmm_. I slide my hands through his hair, perfectly happy to be ravished again as opposed to carrying on with my day. Hey, school is stressful right now, okay?

“I just can’t wait until this semester is over,” Mamoru mumbles against my collarbone. “Then I can stop sitting in the same lecture hall as you, pretending that I’m not crazy about you.”

What? Crazy about _me_? Is that like love? That’s basically love, isn’t it? Oh my god, is Mamoru really _in love_ with me? Now, I definitely can’t stop grinning. I tug his face back up to mine and kiss him deeply until we can’t anymore because we’re both smiling too much.

Yeah, this semester can’t end fast enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so not _quite_ a love confession, but hey we're trucking right along xD thanks again to meh beta extraordinaire [ feoplepeel](http://archiveofourown.org/users/feoplepeel) and to everyone reading and commenting and kudosing, i love each and every one of you :kisses:


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i may have promised smut in this chapter, but you'll have to hold off til next I'M SORRY BUT I PROMISE IT'S IN THE NEXT, we have some plotty things to deal with first...mwahaha

*

 

I text Mamoru during my ethics lecture that afternoon because holy shit, the end of the year is gearing up in full force in the form of two projects due within days of each other, not to mention exams. I am _stressed_. And what better stress relief than a quickie, am I right?

I totally phrase it like that when I text him and I don’t need to see him to know he’s rolling his eyes.

 _What, it’s science!_ I type out. _There was a paper with sources and everything_.

Mamoru doesn’t seem to buy it, but he also says I can swing by when I get out of class if I want to.

And bonus, class lets out about half an hour early. I practically fly across campus to Mamoru’s place, knocking on his door in record time.

And Motoki answers.

 _Shit_.

“Hey, Usagi,” he says. “What are you doing here?”

“ _Heeeey_ ,” I say, trying to be as casual as possible, but not too casual because I don’t want Motoki to think I just come over all the time. Even though I do. “I, uh...left something here the other night. When we were studying.” Yep, that’s good. Totally casual. “Mamoru said I could drop by and pick it up.” He didn’t mention that _you’d_ be here though.

Motoki looks mostly convinced...I think. “No problem,” he chuckles. “Come on in.”

He opens the door wider and I brush past him, trying not to act like I know where everything is. I settle for standing awkwardly near the kitchen, purposefully not looking toward Mamoru’s bedroom, the door standing slightly ajar.

“So what’d you leave?”

What? Oh yeah, my cover story. “Um…my notebook. Can’t do physics without it, unfortunately.” Oh my god, my laugh sounds horrifying. How is Motoki buying this?

He’s apparently going to help me look because he circles the kitchen table and then shrugs. “I haven’t seen a notebook around. Unless Mamoru’s got it with him?”

Fuck, I need to get out of here. “Did I say notebook? I meant pen. I left my pen here.” I spy a pen just laying on the counter and grab it. “This pen! Excellent. Okay, I’ll be going now.”

I practically run for the door when I hear Motoki from behind me say, “Um, Usagi?”

I’m running through all the excuses as to why I had to come by and get _this_ particular pen, I mean, it’s just a _pen_ , for god’s sake, when I turn around.

Motoki is standing by the washer, looking particularly amused, holding up some piece of pink lace in his hand.

Oh.

My.

 _God_.

 _My bra_.

“Pen’s a weird code name for a bra,” Motoki says.

If I died right now, it would probably less painful. And welcome. 

The thing is Motoki doesn’t look smarmy or whatever. He’s just genuinely amused. If he wasn’t such a good-natured guy, I’d be super pissed. Instead I’m only _kind_ of pissed.

Oh and to make matters worse, _Mamoru_ decides to come in not two seconds later. _Awesome_.

“Hey….” He trails off, looking over my shoulder to wear Motoki hasn’t moved, still holding up _my fucking bra_ with that same expression.

“Shit,” Mamoru mutters.

“Motoki, I can explain…” I begin.

“You don’t have to, Usagi,” Motoki replies, _finally_ dropping the offending garment back into the laundry basket. “Mamoru already told me.”

“You _what_?” I whirl on Mamoru, even though I have no right to be pissed since Minako knows and I haven’t told him yet. Oops.

Mamoru rubs the back of his neck, his face slowly turning pink. Good, the bastard. “He figured it out,” Mamoru says by way of explanation. “And I couldn’t keep lying to my best friend.”

“It’s _super_ obvious, by the way,” Motoki says. “I mean, at least to me.”

 _Great_. This just gets better and better. “Motoki, you can’t--”

“Tell anyone?” Motoki mimes zipping his mouth shut. “No worries. Secret’s safe with me.”

I let out a breath. Well that’s a load off I guess.

“Aww, come on, don’t look so serious, guys!” Motoki laughs. “Seriously, I’m so happy for you guys.” He’s beaming. “My best friend’s in love.”

Woah, wait, back up. First, Mamoru says he’s “crazy about” me, now Motoki says he’s straight up in _love_? Am I reading too much into this? I mean, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about Mamoru is that he warms up to people... _slowly_. So he can’t fall in love in like a few weeks right? _Right_?

Mamoru looks like he wants to sink into the floor, especially when Motoki pulls us both in for a group hug. Now that the horror of Motoki finding out plus the worry that he might tell is over, I enthusiastically return his hug, laughing.

 

*

 

Motoki leaves shortly after our bonding moment to head to work, leaving Mamoru and I alone. I follow Mamoru into his room, sitting on the edge of the bed while he changes. “So that brings the count of people who know about us up to two,” he says absently.

I wince. “Three,” I correct him.

Now, it’s Mamoru’s turn to be outraged. “ _Three_?” he says. “Who did _you_ tell?”

I chew my lip and mumble, “Minako.”

“ _Minako_?” he splutters. “Seriously? Why her?”

“She’s my roommate, Mamoru!” I snap. “She was bound to figure it out sooner or later!” I sigh. “She didn’t buy Seiya’s cover story and then...I couldn’t just outright lie to her.” When he still looks pissed, I add, “Sound familiar?”

Mamoru moans and falls backwards on the bed, covering his face with his hands. “She’s going to tell _everyone_ ,” he says, his voice muffled by his hands.

“Not exactly.” Mamoru peeks at me from under his hands, confused. “She’s, um, ashamed that I’m sleeping with you, so she’s promised not to breathe a word to anyone, less she suffer embarrassment.”

Well, that gets his attention. Mamoru sits up, his voice incredulous. “ _Excuse_ me?”

“She’s weird, okay?”

“This goes a bit beyond just weirdness.” He pauses, going over my words again in his head. “She said _she_ was ashamed that _you_ are sleeping with _me_.” Another pause. “I guess that makes sense.”

“No, she’s fine with you being a T.A.. She just...doesn’t like _you_. Specifically.”

“Um, _why_?”

I shrug. “For whatever reason.”

To my surprise, Mamoru looks offended. I never really worried about the dynamics of my friend group and him, mostly because I’ve been so focused on keeping him _away_ from my friend group. But now that the truth is, albeit _slowly_ , coming out, it seems that I am going to need to work on the new group dynamic, which whether Minako likes it or not, is going to include Mamoru. I mean it’s not like I only want to hang out with _either_ my friends _or_ Mamoru. Ideally, we could all spend time together.

I also never really considered that _he_ would be worried about fitting in with my friends. But I suppose it’s a pretty normal thing for a guy to be worried about, making sure his girlfriend’s friends like him.

An idea formulates in my head and it’s probably insane considering that Mamoru and I aren’t _officially_ dating yet, but I’m going with it anyway. “What if we all got dinner together? You and me and Minako?” He frowns, not convinced. “That way you guys can get to know each other and Minako can get over her pretty irrational dislike of you.”

Mamoru shrugs. “Sure. Why not?” His voice is one that knows this is going to go terribly but he can’t bring himself to care.

It can’t be _that_ bad.

 

*

 

It’s _that_ bad.

The door slams, rattling the _remaining_ dishes on the kitchen table. One in particular lays in pieces behind Mamoru, the spaghetti and meat sauce splattered all over the wall and dripping onto the floor.

“Um, bye, Minako,” I call to the closed door. I turn back to Mamoru, absently picking stray noodles off his shirt. “Let me get a towel.”

When I return and start helping Mamoru mop up most of the mess, he finally speaks. “ _How_ are you friends with that girl?” He doesn’t sound mad, weirdly, considering Minako chucked a plate of red sauce and noodles at his head.  He’s just...astounded.

“It’s a long story,” I say with a sigh.

“One I am very intrigued to hear.” He throws the thoroughly soaked towel into the sink and starts unbuttoning his shirt, I assume, to throw in the wash.

“She moved to our school halfway through the year,” I explain, rinsing the towel of its huge globs of spaghetti sauce. “And since she didn’t know anyone, she sort of...latched on to me and my friends. Which was fine since she’s pretty fun to hang out with.”

“When she’s not throwing spaghetti sauce at your head,” Mamoru interrupts, a dry smile on his face.

“Ha ha.” I flick water at him and he tries to duck unsuccessfully. “ _Anyway_ , we’ve been friends ever since.” I pause, thinking of how to really explain Minako. It’s not an easy feat. “Seriously, she’s actually really sweet once you get to know her.” Mamoru snorts. “She is! And you’ll never have a more loyal friend.”

Mamoru’s face softens. “Well, that I could tell anyway. I can’t imagine she would just chuck spaghetti sauce if it wasn’t in defense of someone she cared about.” He wraps his arms around me, pressing my back against his chest and leaning down to kiss my neck.

“No, I’m pretty sure Minako would throw food at people just for fun, too.”

Mamoru laughs, his breath fanning out against my skin and making me shiver. “I’m _trying_ to pay her a compliment, here.”

“Something tells me it wouldn’t faze her.” I turn around in his arms, leaning up to gently press my lips to his.

Mamoru sighs. “You should go check on her.”

I really want to stay here and keep being kissed, but he’s right. This whole me-and-Mamoru thing isn’t going away anytime soon, so Minako and I need to work out her issues. “Do you need more help cleaning up?” I eye the red spot on the wall over Mamoru’s shoulder.

“I’ve got it.” He kisses the tip of my nose. “Go make up with Minako. I’ll call you later.”

“Check if I’m still alive?”

“I can’t imagine it would get _that_ heated,” Mamoru laughs, then stops. “Would it?”

 

*

 

Unsurprisingly, Minako does not pick up her phone when I call. I leave her a voicemail though, knowing she won’t check it for a month at least. “Look, you disaster, pick up your fucking phone,” I snap into the receiver. “I _know_ you can see my number and you’re just ignoring me, Minako!”

I know she won’t go back to the dorm, but she forgets that I know her too well. I know exactly where she hides when she doesn’t want to be found by me or any of our friends.

There’s a pool hall just outside the campus proper. It’s like any other, reeking of tobacco and liquor, but it’s always full of surprisingly nice people. And the games are cheap.

Minako’s pretty crap at pool, but it gives her an excuse to hit stuff without getting in trouble, so it shocks me not at all when I walk in and there she is at the corner table, her face contorted into an angry frown.

“You have to talk to me,” is all I say when I approach her table.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Are you not too busy getting laid by our _T.A._?” she snaps.

“Minako…”

“No, I don’t want to hear it anymore, Usagi.” She levels me with a glare that is equal parts mean and just... _fed up_. Which is somehow worse. I can handle angry Minako. I’ve done it many times in the past. She’s a person, like me, that wears her emotions on her sleeve. But a defeated Minako? Fed up and tired? With _me_?

I wish she would just punch me. That would definitely hurt less.

“All you’ve done is make excuses for _your_ bad behavior,” Minako continues. “It’s everyone else’s fault but _yours_ that you keep fucking your T.A. in secret and keep lying so no one finds out.”

“I’m not making _excuses_ ….”

“Yes you are!” Minako throws her pool cue down, and it angrily clatters against the table. “You think there’s a version of this where everything just _works out_? Newsflash, Usagi, you and Mamoru are doing a _bad_ thing. I don’t care how nice he is, how sweet, or whatever. I don’t care if you think you’re in love with him. He’s still fucking his student.” She sighs. “Jesus, you’re getting a lecture from _me_ on ethics or what the fuck ever.”

I don’t want to cry in front of her, but I can’t help it.  She’s _right_. God, she’s so right and I’ve been avoiding this, making excuses in my head, clinging to the hope that if we can just get to the end of the semester then everything will be fine. Tears start leaking from my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, sniffing.

“Sorry isn’t going to fix this,” she says. Which only makes me cry harder. Ugh, I hate this. I should be talking through this, but instead I’m blubbering like an idiot.

Minako takes pity on me though, putting her arm around me and guiding me out of the pool hall. Once we’re outside, she hugs me tight. Which is weird considering she was just yelling at me. I don’t point this out though, mostly because I’m still crying too hard to speak. I tuck my head against Minako’s shoulder and let her rub my back until I’ve calmed down enough to talk again.

“I don’t know what to do,” I mumble into Minako’s hair.

“Yeah, well you certainly dug yourself into a hole,” she says. She pulls away, putting her hands on my shoulders and looking me square in the eye. “Look, the first thing to fix this is to tell the girls.” I open my mouth to protest, but she keeps going, silencing me with a fierce look. “They are going to be _pissed_ , yes, but they’ll forgive you because they love you.” Didn’t I think the same thing a few months ago?

“The second thing is to break this off with Mamoru.”

Now I can’t stop the noise of protest. “What? Minako, no, I can’t…”

“Yes, you can, and you _will_.” Okay, I know that I am capable of doing it. I just don’t _want_ to. “Look, at least until the semester is over, you two have to control your gross animal urges, okay?” I don’t say anything at first and Minako gives me a little shake. “Okay?”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Which are three words I never thought I would say to Minako Aino. But she is right. Didn’t Seiya say the same thing to me too? Well, her words were to “Cool it for awhile,” but this is basically the same thing, isn’t it? And I _can_ do it. I can set ground rules so I can still get my tutoring without the sex. And it’s only for a few more weeks.  “I know it’s the right thing to do...but that doesn’t mean it isn’t going to hurt like a motherfucker.”

“Yeah, it sucks,” Minako says. “But you’ll get through it.” She rolls her eyes. “He really likes you, you know.”

“Thanks, Minako,” I say. “Seriously. Thanks.”

She hugs me again and we walk arm-in-arm back to the dorm. We walk mostly in silence for awhile, until Minako finally says, “No but _seriously_ , how are you attracted to that human disaster?”

I can’t stop laughing long enough to actually answer her.

 

*

 

I actually call Mamoru as soon as we get back to the dorm building. Minako surprisingly tells me that I don’t _have_ to break up with him _tonight_ , but I know if I wait, I’ll lose my nerve.

Mamoru picks up almost immediately. “Is everything okay?” he asks and his voice is so full of concern that it makes my heart skip a beat.

“Yeah, I just...can I come back over?”

“Sure.” He doesn’t sound convinced that everything’s okay, but that’s probably for the best. Better he already be unintentionally prepared for this break up thing, right?

I do take my time walking over to his place, even though I desperately want to get this over with. I run over everything I want to say, consider coming up with excuses before realizing that I should just be honest. If there’s one thing I’ve learned these past few weeks is that lying does not a good relationship make.

Mamoru’s sitting on the couch, reading, when I come in. The wall is free from spaghetti sauce, but the smell still lingers. Ew.

Mamoru gets up when I come into the living room, but I guess something about my body language reads off to him because he doesn’t come closer to me, doesn’t move to touch me. “What’s wrong?” is all he asks.

Ugh, damn him. He can be so oblivious sometimes, but then right on point for others. I take a deep breath.

“We need to talk.”

 

*

 

“So...you’re breaking up with me?” He pauses. “Well, sort of. Basically.”

“It’s just temporary.” We’re sitting next to each other on the couch, close but not touching. Mamoru’s shoulders are slumped in defeat and I can only imagine that mine are a mirror of his. “We’re supposed to be cooling it, right? And we’re...we’re not doing that.”

Mamoru sighs. “You’re right.” He rubs the back of his neck and chuckles with no humor. “I guess Minako talked some sense into you.”

“I don’t know if I’d say _that_.” But that is what happened, isn’t it? Minako said what needed to be said, pointed out what I had been avoiding. God, I never thought that _she_ would be my voice of reason. That’s usually reserved for...well, _any_ of the other girls.

“I think….” Ugh, how do I say this? So many thoughts jumbled in my head and I have so many things I want him to know before I say goodbye...at least for now. I decide to just say it, even if it’s a rush of words that don’t quite make sense. “I think we’re too caught up in how we feel...how nice it is to be with someone that you...um, have feelings for...that we haven’t been thinking about...well, anything else.” I risk a glance at his face. “Does that make sense?”

Mamoru smiles, but I notice that it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yeah, it does.”

I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help but scoot closer, pressing into his side, my arms around his waist. A million more things run through my head. That I’ll miss him. That I wish time would just fast forward. That I wish I didn’t feel like I was making a mistake.

Mamoru hugs me tight and kisses the top of my head. “You should probably go,” he murmurs. “I’ll….” He stops, considering his words. “I’ll see you in class, okay?”

I nod, pulling away from his embrace as much as it hurts. I get up and start toward the door. Mamoru slumps forward, his head in his hands, and I suddenly remember that first morning together where I felt the weight of what we had done, but I couldn’t just _leave_. If I had known what all would happen, maybe I would have.

I lean forward and gently pull his face up to mine and kiss him softly. “See you later,” I whisper and bolt for the door before I reconsider this whole thing again.

I make it a few steps down the hallway before I have to stop, bracing myself against the wall. I don’t cry, weirdly enough. I just sink down to the floor and sit there, trying to make sense of everything.

I am doing the right thing…

Right?

Right. 

 

*

 

It doesn’t surprise me at all how agonizing the next few weeks are. Luckily, the sheer amount of schoolwork I have before the semester’s end keeps me busy enough not to notice how much I miss Mamoru. Such is the consequence of falling in love with the guy you’re sleeping with who is also your TA. I don’t just miss the sex (though, I _do_ miss that, ugh), but I miss _him_ , his laugh and his stupid snide comments, his hands and the way he rubs my back when we’re falling asleep. _Ugh_.

I still have to see Mamoru for tutoring. Luckily, I’ve quite gotten the hang of this physics thing, so we only have to meet once a week at the library to go over the homework and stuff. He’s all business, so I am too, even though it’s agonizing to be so serious with him like I don’t know him at all.

And occasionally, our hands will brush when he slides me a paper or he’ll lean a little too close to show me something, and I think my heart will beat out of my chest because I just want to wrap myself around him and never let go.

My crush when I didn’t know if it was reciprocated was hard enough. Knowing that he feels the same way and we _can’t do anything_ is just so much worse.

And I know I have to tell the girls, but it never seems to be the right time. I keep waiting for Minako to pester me about it, but I guess she sees how bummed I am over breaking up with Mamoru that she gives me a pass for now.

I just throw myself headfirst into my mountain of studying and projects and hope that by the time I surface, semester’s end will have arrived and I can get back to boning my (by then not) TA.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize for the angst, but come on you guys knew this was coming...i do promise a happy ending....eventually..... :3
> 
> thanks as always to my lovely beta and to everyone who's reading this story, i seriously love all of you so much, you're all darlings <3
> 
> also i don't want to take credit for the minako/mamoru hatemance going on, that i totally borrowed from [keyofjetwolf](http://keyofjetwolf.tumblr.com)'s awesome headcanon posts and i just loved the idea of one of usagi's friends just not getting along with mamoru no matter what and well you read the result xD


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay there's finally some more smut, sorry i let you guys down the past couple of chapters. it's here as a peace offering because...well, you'll see :3

*

 

The weekend before the end of term Minako has a volleyball tournament and is gone for the whole weekend. I spend Friday night at Rei’s with the girls. Makoto makes us milkshakes from homemade ice cream because she is a domestic goddess. We dance to silly pop music, even Rei, and make a blanket fort, falling asleep in a pile when we’ve finished.

It’s when Rei’s lip syncing to Nicki Minaj while Makoto cheers way too loudly and Ami falls over laughing that I realize how much I’ve missed them. I’ve been so silly this whole semester and I make myself a silent promise to be better. That I will make time for my girls as much as I’ve been making time for Mamoru. I got so wrapped up in this whole secret affair thing that I haven’t been myself. I guess I never really realized how much they do love me considering how forgiving they’ve been of my excuses and ditching them all the time.

My plan was to spend a quiet evening in on Saturday, just me, some takeout and Netflix. The ultimate threesome. I get restless though and can’t sleep. The room is too quiet without Minako snoring or her phone blowing up from her latest boy toy. I keep the TV on, but it still doesn’t do much to calm me.

Without thinking, I grab my phone and a sweatshirt and just head outside. It’s probably not smart for a girl to walk around alone in the middle of the night, but on Saturday night, there’s always people buzzing around campus.

I stroll along for awhile just enjoying the unseasonably warm night until it starts drizzling. I pull my hood up, thinking I should probably head home before the bottom falls out and I’m soaked. But I keep going. There’s something very Zen about walking in the rain in the middle of the night. Zen and very stupid, of course, but I feel calmer than I have in weeks and I plan to enjoy it while it lasts.

I find myself outside Mamoru’s apartment without even meaning to. I hold my phone out, fingers hesitating over the contacts list, trying to decide if I should call him. It’s late, he’s probably already asleep. Besides we’re “broken up.” The smart thing would be to go home.

 _Although_ if his light is still on, then calling him wouldn’t be a nuisance, since he’s already awake. I walk around the back of the building and look up to his third floor window (I recognize the curtains). I think the lamp is on, but it’s hard to see. The weird thing is that the window itself is open. Maybe he didn’t know about the rain? The drizzle is starting to come down harder. I’m about to turn around and book it back to the dorm when I spy the flower bed along the outside of the building. It’s one of those that has pebbles in the bottom for decoration.

I pick a small one up and hurl it at Mamoru’s window. Even from on the ground, I can hear it clatter against the glass. I wait a few seconds and then pick another one up. Just as I’m about to throw it, Mamoru’s head pops out of the window, looking around and then finally down at me.

“Usagi?” he whisper-calls. “What the hell are you doing?”

I just shrug. “I couldn’t sleep. Decided to take a walk.”

Even from down here, I can see Mamoru raise an eyebrow. “In the rain?”

I shrug again.

Mamoru sighs. “You shouldn’t be here, Usagi.”

“I know, I know.” I wrap my arms around myself, a chill creeping into my bones. “I just...I wanted to see you. Can I come up?”

He hesitates, then nods. He disappears from the window and I head back to the front of the building, ducking under the tiny awning to keep dry even though I’m soaked through at this point.

He appears at the door quicker than I expected and ushers me inside. “Whatever happened to ‘let’s cool it for awhile?” he asks.

I give him a half-smile, trailing my fingers down his arm. “I miss you.”

It doesn’t escape my notice the way he shudders at my touch and once we’re inside his apartment, he leads me into his bedroom and shuts the door. And also goes over to close his window. “Don’t,” I say. “I like hearing the rain.”

Mamoru gives me a quizzical look, but leaves the window alone. “You should get out of those wet clothes, you know.”

Turns out, I’m shivering, goosebumps covering my arms and legs even inside my sweatpants and hoodie. Mamoru chuckles and holds his hand out to me. “Come here, Usagi,” he says softly.

He pulls the hoodie over my head and rubs my bare arms lightly. I shiver again, but not from the cold this time. He ducks his head and barely brushes his lips across mine in a teasing caress. My heart is thumping in my chest and I don’t know why. It’s not like we haven’t done this a bunch of times before. But it feels different this time. More intimate. Which seems extra silly because I’m in my pajamas for christ’s sake, not even my sexy ones, but my comfy bunny print flannel pants with the matching tank top. Not exactly what I’d wear in a pinup, you know?

Mamoru steps back and pulls his own t-shirt over his head. I reach out to touch his chest, lightly teasing my fingertips across the bare skin. He closes his hand around mine and lifts it to his lips, brushing them first across my knuckles, then each fingertip. “Mamoru…,” I murmur as he trails his lips down to the inside of my wrist, pulling me closer to him.

When his lips find mine again, the teasing gentleness is gone. He kisses me deeply, fingers grasping at my face to find the right angle and slide his tongue into my mouth. I moan, wrapping my arms around his neck, tangling my fingers in his thick hair. When he starts kissing a trail down my neck and I moan again, louder this time, he pauses, whispering, “Motoki’s in the next room. We’ve got to be quiet.”

Easier said than done, buddy, especially when Mamoru sucks a bruise into the juncture of my neck and shoulder. I press my face against his neck to muffle my noises.

He directs me to the bed and I think we’ll just fall onto it, like we’ve done so many times in the past. But instead, he gently pushes me down to sit at the edge and kneels in front of me. He tugs at the waistband of my sweatpants, urging me to lift my hips so he can pull them off. His eyes rarely leave mine as he does and each movement sends a pulse of heat straight between my legs. He lifts the tank top over my head, placing his hands on my knees to give himself leverage to kiss me teasingly. Everytime I try to deepen the kiss, he pulls away with an infuriating smirk just out of reach. “Mamoru, stop,” I whine. “You’re teasing me.”

“It’s so easy though,” he says, kissing the tip of my nose. His hands knead my breasts, teasing my nipples to hardness before he ducks his head and closes his mouth over the tip of one, his hand never leaving the other.

“Fuck,” I say through gritted teeth. This whole being-quiet-because-his-roommate-is-in-the- next-room thing might not work out as well as we hoped. I finally just bite down on my fist as his lips blaze a trail down my stomach to the already wet folds between my legs. He lifts my leg over his shoulder and sets to work, not even giving me a chance to breathe before he has me panting and cursing, right at the edge, poised to tip over.

“W-wait.” I push at his shoulders, trying to dislodge him, even though it feels so fucking good and it will probably only take a few more swipes of his tongue to get me to come. He looks up, adorably confused, his hair flopping over into his face.

“What’s wrong?” He’s always worried he’s going to hurt me, which is of course ridiculous, but it is sweet that he’s concerned, I guess. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, love,” I say, leaning down to kiss him, tasting myself on his tongue. There’s nothing quite as erotic as that. “I don’t want to come that way,” I continue, leaning close to his ear. I secretly delight when he shivers. “I want you inside me.” I kiss his cheek and then pull away to look him in the eye. “Please?”

I figured it wouldn’t take a lot of convincing. Mamoru pretends that he’s stoic and unflappable, but a few bats of my eyelashes, and he’s at my beck and call. It’s intoxicating. He strips his sweatpants and boxers in record time, crawling onto the bed over me.

When he’s draped himself over me, skin to skin in the most delicious way, I reach up and urge him onto his back. He follows my direction as easily as I did his earlier, an adorable curious look on his face. I climb into his lap, hissing when his cock slides against my folds. He wraps an arm around my waist, pushing my hair from my face with the other. He kisses me again, a chaste peck on the lips, a bit ironic considering that I’m in his lap, naked. “You’re so beautiful, Usagi,” he murmurs. “I don’t tell you enough.”

“It’s okay,” I say, reaching between us to position him against my entrance.

“No, it’s not.” He sounds...resigned? Defeated? It’s a strange tone to his voice and I don’t like it. I push my hips forward, taking the head of his cock inside me, trying to dispel any worries that are creeping in, pushing themselves between us. I don’t want anything to come between us. Never.

“Mamoru, I--” But I can’t finish my thought because he thrusts his hips up, filling me completely. I yelp before I can stop myself and he looks alarmed. “No, it’s okay...keep going.” I clap my hand over my mouth, pressing my forehead to his shoulder as he starts a slow, torturously good pace.

His thrusts pick up after awhile, drawing me back to the edge but it still isn’t quite enough. I reach between us and roll my fingers against my clit while he thrusts sharper and deeper. I can feel the muscles in his neck straining as he tries to keep quiet, and I know he’s getting close. I wrap my free arm around his neck and press open mouthed kisses to his skin. “Mamoru, faster, please…”

“Hold on,” he growls, and I tighten my grip around his neck. His hands grip my hips so tight I know there will bruises but I don’t care because the pace he sets then is brutal and so so so _good_. My fingers roll over my clit, trying to keep up, but it isn’t long before we’re both coming, muffling each other’s cries with our mouths.

It takes a minute for us to come down, panting, covered in sweat. Mamoru’s grip loosens and he smooths his hands over my hips soothingly. I snuggle against his chest, the warmth of his skin. I vaguely feel him leaning back against his pillows, keeping his arms wrapped around me, never breaking our embrace.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he mumbles into my hair. I laugh.

“You know what the French say….” But Mamoru never gets to learn what the French say because he’s fallen asleep. I pull the covers up around us and then tuck myself against his chest. It’s only minutes before I’m asleep as well.

 

*

 

I expect that Mamoru will already be up when I wake up the next morning. He’s an early riser, damn him. But when I roll over, stretching, I accidentally knock him in the chin. “Sorry!” I squeak as he rubs his chin, wincing. 

“Good morning to you, too,” he says with a laugh. “I was expecting something a little gentler than a punch in the face.”

“Ha, ha.” I position myself on top of him, my hands braced on either sides of his head, and place a gentle kiss against his lips. “Is that better, you big baby?”

He pretends to think about it and then shakes his head. “You hit me really hard,” he said, a fake whine edging into his voice.

I know for a fact that I did not. Barely awake, my strength is not quite at its peak and even then, I can’t hit that hard. But if he wants to play, then we can play. I kiss the spot where I hit him and yes, there is a small red mark, but I’m sure it’ll go away shortly. “Better?”

His hands come up around my back, tangling in my mess of hair that’s draped all over us. “Maybe…”

I roll my eyes and trail lower, kissing his chest, right over his heartbeat. “Hmm?” I look up at him through my bangs and I don’t miss the way his heart speeds up. He gives me a look that clearly says, _is that the best you’ve got?_ I smirk in response.

I continue my trail down his chest, pausing to kiss his stomach, sliding my tongue against the muscles bunching there. I don’t wait to see ask if he’s “better,” I just keep going, disappearing further under the covers until I’m finally at my prize. And that’s when Mamoru seems to get a grip and goes, “Wait, Usagi, you don’t have to…”

I remember the first night we had sex and that wicked grin on his face that drove me crazy. I’m sure I don’t replicate it well, but I attempt. “Oh, but I _want_ to,” I say, throwing his own words back at him.

He starts to laugh until the sound gets cut off by a moan when I wrap my lips around the head of his cock, sucking gently. This is a relatively new experience for me, so I keep an eye on him for cues of what to do and not to do. Lapping at the head is rewarded with a deeper moan, his eyes squeezing shut. Sliding my tongue down the length and back up gets me an “Oh, _fuck_.” I wrap my hand around the base and slide as much of him into my mouth as possible, starting a slow rhythm that I know will drive him crazy. I run my hand along his stomach, stroking my nails across his skin. His hips stutter against me, and I know he’s trying to control his movements.

He’s close, so very _very_ close when suddenly the door to his room bangs open and I hear Motoki, annoyingly cheerful, yell, “Good morning!”

 _Shit I forgot about him_ , _shit shit shit_. Mamoru sits up so fast that I think he bangs his head against the headboard, but I’m trying to burrow as far under the covers as possible, my cheeks burning. “H-hey, good morning,” Mamoru stammers, trying to act like he wasn’t two seconds from an awesome orgasm, if I do say so myself. “What’s, uh, what’s up?”

He’s frantically trying to arrange the covers so it doesn’t look like there’s an Usagi-shaped lump there, but I doubt Motoki notices. He isn’t the most observant fellow.

“You’re burning daylight, sunshine!” Motoki laughs. “I’m making pancakes. Want some?”

 _You barged into your roommate’s room for pancakes?_ I try not to huff out loud, but my annoyance level is peaking.

“Y-yeah, I’ll be out in a second.”

There’s a pause and I wait for Motoki to leave the room, to hear the telltale sound of the door shutting behind him. Instead, I hear, “Wait a second….”

Okay, I take that back about Motoki being observant. God _dammit_.

“Oh come _on_ , man, at least warn a guy if you’re gonna sneak your girlfriend in!” Motoki splutters and I’m tempted to peek from under the comforter to see just how red his face is.

“Motoki, she’s not---”

“ _Seriously_ , dude!”

The door finally does shut and I can hear Motoki muttering to himself the whole way out.

I burst from under the covers, gasping. “Why is your comforter so suffocating?”

“Well, I wasn’t planning on hiding any women under there when I bought it,” Mamoru snaps back. We glare at each other for a second and then both burst out laughing.

“Motoki is going to kill you,” I say when I’ve caught my breath. 

“He’ll get over it...it’s payback for all the times I’ve had to hear him and Reika going at it.”

I chuckle and then notice the very telling lump still jutting out between Mamoru’s legs, pulling the covers back slowly.

It doesn’t take very long before Mamoru’s coming with a soft gasp into my hand. I kiss the corners of his mouth as he tries to catch his breath. He presses his forehead to mine and smiles. “Usagi…” he murmurs, and I know I’ll never get tired of hearing him say my name.

“Better now?” I tease.

He chuckles. “Much. I would return the favor, but--” My stomach decides to interrupt him, growling loud enough for both of us to hear.

“Pancakes?” I say hopefully.

He just stares at me for a second and then loses it again, holding his stomach he’s laughing so hard. “You...you’re something else, you know that?” he says finally, ruffling my hair.

I suppose that’s a compliment, if the way my chest feels warm is any indication. We both get up and I grab one of Mamoru’s sweatshirts and pull it over my head.

Motoki has somewhat recovered when we emerge from Mamoru’s bedroom, looking (hopefully) properly cowed. “Sorry, Motoki,” I mumble when he greets us both with a glare, his hands on his hips, which is quite a sight since he’s wearing a cow-print apron as well. Shit, he looks like my mom.

“Pancakes are on the table,” he says in a clipped tone. “Help yourself.”

Oh sweet merciful mother of everything, these are delicious. Motoki decides to forgo his judgmental mother act in favor of acting like everything’s totally fine, and nothing more is said about my impromptu sleepover.

Motoki has work, so he leaves me and Mamoru alone shortly after breakfast. I help Mamoru clean up, washing the dishes and trying to ignore the heavy and awkward silence that falls over us now that Motoki isn’t there to fill it.

We’re supposed to be broken up and yet here I am like nothing’s changed. And Mamoru let me back in. We have to talk about this, but part of me just wants to carry on. We only have one more week of the semester. I take out my anxiety on the pan, scrubbing unnecessarily hard at the caked pancake dough.

“Hey, so about last night….” I turn from my vicious pan scrubbing at the sound of Mamoru’s voice. He’s standing by the table, leaning against it, looking every bit as awkward as I feel right now.

“Yeah, I know,” I say. “We shouldn’t have….”

“It was wonderful,” Mamoru continues and his eyes meet mine briefly. “It’s always wonderful with you…I mean, I just...you said that we….” He sighs, looking up toward the ceiling like it has the answers to our problems. “Fuck, why is this so hard?”

“Because we don’t want to...be apart.” I would say “break up,” but since we were never _together_ -together, that has weird connotations. And that’s not the _only_ reason, but it’s certainly the one heaviest on my mind.

 _Newsflash, Usagi, you and Mamoru are doing a_ bad _thing._

Yes, thank you inner-Minako for the reminder.

I wipe my hands off and cross the kitchen in a few steps until I’m standing in front of Mamoru, still pointedly looking at the ceiling. When I put my hands on his shoulders, I can feel him start from my touch, but he’s still avoiding my face. “Mamoru,” I say in my no-nonsense voice. “Look at me. Please?”

His eyes finally drop to mine and he looks so...conflicted. I haven’t seen him like this since that first night. I shouldn’t because it will only make this harder, but I wrap my arms around his middle, curling my fingers into the fabric of his t-shirt, pressing my face against his chest, right at his heartbeat. “Usagi…,” he murmurs. He slides his arms around me, one hand on my back and the other in my hair, stroking gently.

“It’s only for a little while longer,” I say, my voice muffled by his shirt. “And then...it’s like Seiya said. We bump into each other and sparks fly, right?” Mamoru doesn’t say anything. “Right?” I look up at him, trying to read his expression. “Mamoru?”

“Right,” he says and smiles. It doesn’t reach his eyes though and I can feel the knot of anxiety in my stomach growing larger by the second.

 

*

 

We’re hanging out in the lounge of the Physics building after class, me and the girls. Ami has a meeting with Dr. Meioh to try and get into one of her graduate courses and the rest of us have nothing to do besides study, so we decide to wait and work on homework (or listen to music through headphones loudly, _Minako_ ) and all go to dinner together. There’s only two more class sessions until finals rear their ugly head, so we’ve reached that point in the semester where we’re so stressed that we don’t even feel it anymore.

I’m actually trucking through the review sheet for the final pretty easily when I feel a presence over my shoulder. “Wow, you finished that problem all by yourself, dumpling head,” Mamoru says, his voice _a little_ too close to my ear. “I’m impressed.”

“Does it get you all hot and bothered?” Rei snarks, her lips twisting into a smirk.

“Luckily, physics doesn’t affect me like _that_ ,” Mamoru shoots back easily. Thank god. I can feel my face heating up and why does he smell so _good_?

I know I’m overreacting, I mean since he’s just _standing_ there, but I can feel the heat from his body behind me, his hands resting on the back of my chair. Minako keeps shooting me little looks and I try my best to ignore her. Ugh.

“What _are_ you guys doing here anyway?” Mamoru says. “Classes are over. Go. Be free or whatever.”

Makoto laughs and explains about Ami’s meeting. Mamoru chuckles. “She’ll definitely get in with no problem. Setsuna’s been really impressed with her work this semester.”

“Oooh _Setsuna_ ,” Minako teases and I _definitely_ see her shoot me a look out of the corner of her eye. “Getting cozy with teacher, eh?”

“She’s my boss,” Mamoru replies. “And _all_ of her TAs are on a first name basis with her. She’s cool like that.”

“Doesn’t seem that way to me,” Rei mutters, and I have to agree. Dr. Meioh is an excellent professor, don’t get me wrong, but I wouldn’t describe her as _cool_ per se. Well, not in the having-fun-and-letting-loose sense. More of the Ice Queen sense.

Before the conversation can continue, and I can feel more and more awkward about shooting the breeze with my friends and the guy I’ve been sleeping with _without their knowledge_ , Ami and Dr. Meioh come striding down the hallway towards us, still deep in conversation.

“Well?” Makoto asks when Ami waves goodbye to our professor and heads to our table.

“She’s making an exception for me!” Ami squeals. “I’m so excited. This course is just going to be _fascinating_ , I can’t--”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re very happy for you,” Minako interrupts. “It’s food time though. Let’s go.”

The girls all get up, waving goodbye to Mamoru as they head to the door (well except for Minako, who keeps making faces at me and him when the others’ backs are turned).

“Um, so I guess I’ll see you later?” I say softly as I’m getting out of my chair.

Mamoru nods. “Only two more classes.”

“Then the exam,” I point out, my heart clenching at the thought.

“You’ll be fine, Usagi.”

I manage a smile that I’m happy to see he returns, a genuine smile unlike the one from the other night. “Bye,” I say, reaching up to leave a gentle peck on his lips. It’s an action I’ve done so many times that I literally don’t think about it. It’s honestly just a reflex at this point.

Mamoru returns the kiss for all of a split second before his eyes widen and he pulls away. My stomach drops and I splutter, “Oh god, I’m so _sorry_. I wasn’t thinking.” Maybe the girls didn’t see…

“Ahem.”

Oh, they saw.

 _Shit_.

I turn slowly, knowing what I’m going to see but trying to prolong the inevitable. And I’m right. Rei, Ami, and Makoto stand with folded arms and matching looks of confusion and displeasure on their faces. Minako's reads nothing but _I fucking told you so!_

“Fuck,” I hear Mamoru mutter behind me. Yeah, it sucks that my friends had to find out this way, but it’s not the end of the world or anything.

At least that’s my thinking until I follow Mamoru’s gaze...to Dr. Meioh. And judging from _her_ expression, she saw the whole thing too.

 _Fuck_.

“Miss Tsukino, Mr. Chiba,” Dr. Meioh says, her voice deadly calm. “Come with me.”

Oh god...we are _so_ fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so....that happened. don't worry too much, as I have said time and time again, there will be a happy ending to this...eventually. Usagi and Mamoru are my babies, that's why i like to make them suffer HAHAHAHA. Thanks again to everyone who's commented and kudos-ed and bookmarked, you all are amazing and lovely :kisses: And also to my amazing beta, you are the best <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is everyone, the LAST chapter! i can't believe we made it! and it's not over! please enjoy this healthy dose of angst and remember that i love you all and i'm so sorry

Dr. Meioh makes us wait outside her office on this little and extremely uncomfortable bench opposite the door. I can’t even _look_ at Mamoru. He’s like a stone wall beside me, arms folded.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean--”

“It’s not your fault, Usagi,” he says and the softness in his tone makes me glance up at his face. “We both screwed this up.”

“But I pushed you…convinced you this would be okay.” My throat tightens as I fight back tears to no avail. “And now, you’re going to lose your job...and your scholarship…I’m sorry, Mamoru, I’m so sorry.”

“Usagi, I--” But before he can answer, Dr. Meioh’s door swings open and she beckons Mamoru with her hand. I start to stand too, but she shakes her head.

“I’ll be with you in a moment, Miss Tsukino.”

I trade one last look with Mamoru before he disappears behind the office door.

 

*

 

Waiting is torture. Actually torture might be less painful.

I chew my nails, pace back and forth, alternate sitting and lying down on the bench and then finally on the floor. I can make out voices in Dr. Meioh’s office, much too low for me to understand what they are saying. I can’t even tell if they are angry or not.

Finally after what feels like _forever_ , Mamoru opens the door and strides down the hallway without even a backward glance at me.

Um, that doesn’t make me feel better.

“Miss Tsukino?”

I follow her into the office and take the chair opposite her desk. Before she has a chance to speak, I blurt, “Look, Doctor Meioh, it was just a joke, I swear. I don’t want Mamoru to get in trouble over something silly…”

“Mamoru already explained the situation to me, Miss Tsukino,” Dr. Meioh says in that deadly calm voice. “He was very honest and upfront with me, which I appreciate.” That sounds like Mamoru, damn him. “According to the school’s code of conduct, I should go to the board about this.”

“Doctor Meioh…” Wait, _should_? She hasn’t yet? What was she doing while she made me and Mamoru wait?

“But, I wanted to give you both the chance to explain yourselves,” she says, answering my unspoken question.

“Okay…” My fingers tighten around the strap of my bag, so tight my knuckles turn white.

“Now, I know you were failing my class earlier this semester,” she continues, “at least until you enlisted Mamoru as your tutor?”

I nod, not trusting my voice.

“And were you sleeping with him the _whole_ semester?”

“About two and a half months,” I mumble. I pause, thinking. “So yes, pretty much.”

“Usagi,” Dr. Meioh levels me with a serious look and as much as I want to turn away, I’m frozen to the spot. Wow, she is really intimidating. “Did Mamoru ever offer to change or inflate your grades in exchange for sexual favors?”

_What_? That’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. “No, of course not!” I say, injecting as much incredulity into my tone as possible.

“Did you ever proposition sexual favors or acts in exchange for your grades being changed?”

It had crossed my mind, but I _knew_ Mamoru would not only say no, but also lecture me on the ethics of that suggestion. “No, never,” I say instead.

“Did he use your grades as leverage in order to continue a sexual relationship with you, even against your wishes?”

I can’t control the scoffing noise that I make because that suggestion is beyond ludicrous. That Mamoru blackmailed me into having sex with him? She’s clearly doesn’t know him as well as she thinks.. “It was my idea,” I snap. “I was the one who suggested the whole thing! Please, Doctor Meioh, don’t blame him for--”

“Usagi,” Dr. Meioh interrupts.  “Mamoru was well aware of the consequences of his actions in engaging in a sexual relationship with you. In having a position of power over you, regardless of your consent, this has to be treated as a sexual harassment case. Now please answer the question. Did Mamoru use your grades to blackmail you into a sexual relationship with him?”

My cheeks burn. “No.”

Dr. Meioh looks down and if she were a lesser woman, I would think she felt bad for being so hard on me.

“Are you going to report him?” I ask in a small voice. I just keep hearing Mamoru’s voice over and over in my head. _I need this job to pay my tuition. I can’t lose my scholarship_. Why were we so stupid?

Dr. Meioh sighs. “I need to speak with Mamoru again.” Her tone says she’s totally going to though. I mean, why wouldn’t she?

“You’re dismissed, Miss Tsukino.”

I stand up on shaking legs and turn to the door. My hand is on the doorknob when she says, “Oh and Usagi? I suppose I don’t need to tell you not to speak with Mamoru until this matter is resolved?”

I just nod. There’s no way I’m talking to him after this. Why would he want to talk to me anyway? We were so close to being in the clear, and I blew it. I should have known that I couldn’t keep being around him without screwing something up and blowing our cover completely. After that first night, we should have just called it quits. I could have found another tutor and maybe we wouldn’t have gotten in so deep. I don’t know. I just know that Mamoru most likely hates me and I honestly don’t blame him.

The worst part is that the only thing I want to do is run to Mamoru’s apartment and cuddle with him in his room, pretend this whole thing never happened. But I can’t. And I’ll probably never get to again.

 

*

 

The girls are waiting for me outside when I finally emerge. I need to talk to them, but I’m so emotionally exhausted from talking to Dr. Meioh that I honestly want to run and hide and just shut everything out for a week or so.

But I can’t. Part of my problem was hiding from them, and I won’t do it anymore.

Unfortunately as soon as I make eye contact with them, looking from Rei with her hands on her hips, lips pursed, to Ami, eyes wide, to Makoto, her brow knotted with concern, I just burst into tears.

I’m sure they want to lecture me, but instead they all hug me, Rei pressing in closest, while Mako wraps her arms around all of us.

“Oh, Usagi,” they murmur while I cry. Minako strokes my hair, Ami rests her head in the crook of my neck and Rei rubs my back. They keep me steady until I’ve completely cried myself out.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you,” I say between sobs. “I just…I didn’t think...and….”

“Usagi,” Rei says gently. “Minako told us weeks ago.”

_What_? “You did?” I’m too tired honestly to be pissed, but that doesn’t mean I’m totally okay with it.

Minako shrugs. “I knew you weren’t going to tell them. You were too busy being worried about breaking up with Mamoru, so I just told them for you.” She adds with a glare, "You're _welcome_."

“But...why didn’t _you guys_ say anything then?” I ask.

“Because we hoped you would tell us eventually,” Makoto says, brushing a strand of my hair away.

“I was going to, I swear. It just...never seemed like the right time.”

“Now’s as good a time as any,” Ami says with a small smile.

So I tell them _everything_.

It takes me awhile and obviously, I leave out the gory details. We sit in silence for a moment once I’ve finished.

“I’ve been a horrible friend,” I sniff. “I’m so sorry.”

“You have been,” Rei says. She squeezes my hand though and adds, “But we love you anyway.”

“To be honest, we were mostly worried about you,” Mako points out.

“You weren’t yourself,” Ami adds.

“Yeah, actually _caring_ about school work,” Minako laughs. “There had to be something else going on.”

I sniffle again and laugh. They have every right to hate me, but they forgive me instead. Can you even find better friends?

“Mamoru’s going to _hate_ me,” I mumble. “He’s going to lose his job, or worse, his scholarship.”

“Fuck that guy,” Rei says. “He shouldn’t be sleeping with his student.”

“I started it!” I exclaim. “Well, sort of….”

“You’re both to blame,” Mako reasons.

“Yeah, but he’s the one who’s going to get in trouble…”

“Mamoru knew what he was doing,” Rei reminds me. “And he did it anyway.”

I don’t have anything left to say, I can’t argue with them because they are _right_. But it just doesn’t seem fair. It’s not like Mamoru took advantage of me. I wanted him and when he kissed me, I went with it. I know there’s no easy solution. That’s the hardest part to come to terms with, that I’m not going to wake up in a few days to find that everything is magically okay.

The girls take me back to Rei’s for dinner and to keep me distracted from thinking too much. It almost works, but I appreciate their efforts. Eventually I curl up on Rei’s futon and just fall asleep.

 

*

 

I dread going to class on Friday. My stomach knots itself up and I contemplate faking sick, but it’s the last day of class and I need the extra review since I have no idea if I’ll ever even speak to Mamoru again, let alone get tutoring from him.

Of course, Mamoru is not in class when we all get there. It’s probably only a marked absence for me since some part of me desperately hoped against all odds that he would be there anyway, that Dr. Meioh forgave him or believed that it was just a joke.

A student down front asks where Mamoru is and Dr. Meioh says, her voice laced with ice, “Mr. Chiba will no longer be with us this semester. I apologize for the inconvenience, but if you should require any more review before the final, one of my other TAs will be holding office hours next week. I’ll email you all the details.”

My face burns.

I barely pay attention through class and contemplate just borrowing and photocopying Ami’s notes since I know she won’t mind. At this rate, I’ll probably bomb the exam and my tutor can’t speak to me and probably doesn’t want to anyway.

I hate _everything_ right about now.

 

*

 

I’m studying in the library for the physics exam and totally _not_ staking out in the hopes of bumping into Mamoru when Rei plops down in the chair across from me. “Hey,” she says.

“Hey…?” It’s not like Rei doesn’t like to check on me, but she’s rarely this...coy about it. It’s usually just an up front, “Hey I know you’re down right now, but stop and hang out with me.”

“Have you talked to Mamoru?”

Okay I take back what I said about her being coy. That’s pretty damn direct. I shake my head, looking back at my notes.

“Maybe you should check on him? Give him a call or something?” When I don’t say anything, she snaps into full Rei-lecture-mode. “Usagi, you can’t just ignore him and pretend this didn’t happen.”

“He probably hates me.”

She sighs. “Well, you’ll never know until you try.”

“And I’m not supposed to talk to him.”

“It’s not like you’re going to march into the exam and tell Dr. Meioh that you called him.” Rei takes my notebook from me, forcing me to either look at her or the table. I choose her even if the table is much less scary. “Usagi, I get it. It’s easier to run than face rejection. But do you really want to go the rest of your life wondering?”

“Whatever happened to ‘Fuck that guy’?”

Rei shrugs. “I don’t like leaving things unfinished and neither should you.” She stands up to leave, giving me one last fierce look before she’s gone. “Call the man.”

I wait a few days before I try to call him. He doesn’t answer, shocker, and I don’t leave a message. I consider texting him, but decide against it. If he doesn’t want to talk, he doesn’t want to talk, nothing I can do about it, right?

Classes are over, but the campus is still buzzing with people cramming for exams. I keep haunting the library’s coffee shop, half studying, half waiting to see if Mamoru drops by. I do this a few days in a row before giving up.

A horrifying thought hits me just three days from the physics final. What if Mamoru did get kicked out of school? What if he’s not in the library or anywhere else because he did get expelled and he had to pack all of his stuff and leave? It’s ridiculous, but the idea still consumes me.

The next afternoon, I just say _fuck it_ and march over to Mamoru’s apartment and knock on the door, totally expecting him to ignore me, or just not be there.

Instead, he answers the door. “Usagi? Hey,” he says, like we haven’t been forced to ignore each other for the past week and a half.

“You probably don’t want to see me,” I say, “but I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Before he can say anything, I add, “I totally get it if you hate me and never want to see me again, but...I didn’t want to leave things without talking to you.”

Mamoru stares at me for a second and then just sighs. He opens the door a little wider. “Do you...want to come in?” he asks, his tone suggesting I might say no.

Instead, I nod and brush past him into the familiar living room. I suddenly feel awkward even though I’ve been here so much that it almost feels like a second home. A safe place. _His_ place.

“I thought you got expelled and had to leave,” I mumble. I perch on the back of the couch next to him, making sure to put enough space between us. I can feel the heat from his body and I just want to bury myself in it.

Mamoru chuckles. “No, nothing like that.” He waits a second before he continues, “Setsuna didn’t report me.”

“She didn’t?” I turn to look at him, trying to read if he’s bluffing to make me feel better, but he’s one-hundred percent serious. “Why?”

He shrugs. “She said we convinced her that this,” he waves his hand in the space between us, “was a one-time thing. I don’t, nor will I, have a history of sleeping with my students.”

“You better not,” I say, a slow smile spreading across my face. It falters though when I see that he’s not returning it.

I mean, this is a good thing right? Our one big obstacle isn’t an obstacle anymore! We are free to be together. Unless there’s some caveat that Dr. Meioh set that he’s not telling me about?

“Why aren’t you more excited?” I say, getting up to stand in front of him. With him half-seated against the back of the couch, he’s still much taller than me, but at least he’s not _towering_ over me like usual. “I mean...we can be together now right?”

Mamoru stands, clearly trying to put some space between us. But why? “Mamoru...what’s wrong?”

He sighs again, running his fingers through his hair and keeping his back to me. “We...can’t do this anymore, Usagi,” he says softly.

I feel like my heart just stopped, but it can’t because I can still hear it pounding in my ears. “What…?” He’s breaking up with me? After everything?

_Seriously_?

“I...I don’t understand.”

“I just...I’ve been thinking, probably too much. But all of this with Setsuna finding out...it’s put into perspective what we’ve been doing, and I…” He trails off, struggling with his words. And he won’t look at me. Why won’t he look at me?

“I can’t help but feel guilty. Like I did take advantage of you.”

“But you didn’t,” I interrupt. “I wanted this. I _convinced_ you--”

Mamoru’s laugh is bitter. “Do you honestly think I hadn’t thought of you like _that_ before you confessed that you liked me? That I just decided to go along with it because, oh, some cute girl thinks she likes me, let’s just go with this!” His shoulders slump. “No, I had thought about it and that makes it worse. I knew I couldn’t have a crush on my student, let alone start sleeping with her, and I did it anyway.”

Rei’s words echo in my mind. _Mamoru knew what he was doing. And he did it anyway._ Suddenly, I can see where his guilt is coming from. But that doesn’t mean we have to just completely stop seeing each other, right?

“Mamoru.”

He doesn’t answer at first, still steadfastly keeping his back to me. “Mamoru, please look at me.”

“I can’t,” he says and I can hear his voice break.

“If you’re going to break up with me,” I say, my tone hard. “The least you could do is look me in the eye.”

That gets him to turn around. “I just can’t think straight when I’m around you. I’ve been--we both have been wrapped up in this thing. Like you said. I just...I think we need some time apart...indefinitely.”

My hurt suddenly dissipates and is replaced with blood-boiling anger. “Oh no, you don’t get to do that,” I snap. “You don’t get to say ‘let’s take a break,’ expecting me to just wait around while you sort out what-the-fuck-ever is going on in your head.”

Mamoru looks taken aback. “I’m not--”

“Yes, you are! And if we’re taking time ‘apart,’ then it’s over.” I can’t believe I’m saying this when all I really want is to work this out, but I just feel... _betrayed_. He told me it would be okay. We would get through this. We would be together. And now he’s coming back at me with this bullshit.

“How long have you been thinking about this?” I ask, afraid to hear the answer.

“A few weeks.” Tears spring to my eyes. “Since you first suggested not seeing each other for awhile. You know, until the end of the semester.”

“So when I came to see you that Saturday...and you let me in...you were already thinking about having this conversation? About breaking up with me?” And he fucked me anyway. I feel sick.

Mamoru’s silence speaks volumes. “I told you...I can’t think straight when I’m around you.”

“And that’s _my_ fault?”

“No! It’s my fault!” He sits down in one of the kitchen chairs, his face in his hands. “It’s my fault.”

Ugh, no, don’t look pathetic and make me feel sorry for you. I decide to retort with sarcasm and bite instead to keep myself from running over and wrapping my arms around him. “If you don’t like me anymore, all you have to do is say so. You don’t have to come up with bullshit excuses.”

“That’s the problem, Usagi. I like you _too_ much. And I’m not...I’m not right for you.”

Oh my _god_. “That’s not your decision to make, Mamoru! If you don’t want to be with me because _you_ don’t like me, fine. But you don’t get to decide who I fuck. _I_ do.” I add with extra venom, “And _I_ get to deal with the consequences when the guy I decide to fuck turns out to be a total asshole.”

And then I ask the question that’s been hanging in the air, my voice thick with tears. “ _Do_ you still like me? Do you even want me anymore?”

Mamoru stays silent, refusing to look at me. “Mamoru, please.” I’m crying now, goddamnit. “Please, just tell me the truth.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry.”

I know I shouldn’t, but the words leave my mouth before I can stop them, “I...I love you.”

When he looks up at me, oh god, he’s crying too. “You should go, Usagi.”

I almost protest, but I can’t speak. I just _run_ , out his door, out of his life, indefinitely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> epilogue follows, please don't hate me yet. also final notes and thank yous at the end of the epilogue <3


	9. Chapter 9

I surprisingly do not fail the physics exam, squeaking by with a low C. My final grade also happens to be a C which I’m actually quite proud of. Until I remember who it was that got me to that C, and then I just feel terrible again.

You know how when you talk to someone or do something and it just goes completely horribly wrong? And you keep replaying it over and over, wondering if you did something differently, would it be better?

Yeah, that’s me. I can’t stop thinking about that conversation, wondering if maybe I had said anything differently, would Mamoru have changed his mind? Would we be going out for coffee dates instead of pretending the other doesn’t exist?

The worst part is that I _told_ him. I told him I loved him and he told me to leave. I keep seeing his expression, his eyes full of tears.

And I hate him for it. But I can’t stop being in love with him either. I’m just a bundle of messed up emotions and luckily I get to go home to be babied by my mother and forget all about hot physics TAs who break up with you for seemingly no reason.

I tell the girls that Mamoru and I are finished, and I know they want to press for details, but something in my tone must tell them that I am in _no_ way ready to talk about this. They just say they’re sorry and they’re here for me. Rei points out that it’s probably for the best. Minako, I know, _wants_ to make a snarky comment about Mamoru, but I’m just not in the mood, and luckily she holds back for now.

When I get to my parents’ after exams, I drop my bags in the foyer and immediately rush to give my mom a hug. “Usagi? Oh good, you’re home,” she says, patting my hair. “Help me peel these potatoes.”

Leave it to my mom to heal my broken heart with mindless housework.

At first, she’s just happy to have me home and to have the extra set of hands around the house. My brother Shingo is no slouch when it comes to housework, Mom has seen to that, but with Christmas right around the corner, she’s in full-terror-housewife mode.

But she does start to notice that I’m a little _too_ happy to help. Before, if she came in my room and interrupted my Pokemon game, I’d snap and groan until she dragged me from the bed and forced me to help.

Today, she comes in and says, “Usagi, those sheets need to be folded and put away.”

I close my DS almost immediately and roll out of bed. “Sure.”

I notice her follow me down to the laundry room, a curious look on her face. “Are you going to make sure I do it correctly?” I ask with a roll of my eyes.

She ignores the comment in favor of asking, “Are you feeling alright?”

I shrug. “Fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You tell me.” She folds her arms. A very no-nonsense mother pose.

“It was just… a long semester,” I say. “It’s nice to be home.”

Mom doesn’t buy it entirely, but she smiles, and kisses my temple, letting the matter drop for now.

 

*

 

I’m taking the garbage out one night when I see a familiar face hanging out by our fence. “Seiya?”

“Hey stranger, long time no see,” she says, leaning against the wood.

“What are you doing here?”

“Do I need an excuse to come home for the holidays?”

I raise an eyebrow. “I wouldn’t say this is _home_ for you. You only lived here for like, what, a year?”

Seiya shrugs. “Close enough.” She grins. “Can I liberate you from your domestic prison for an evening?”

Mom will kill me, but I’d rather spend an evening with Seiya than helping Mom roast turkey. Besides, it’s probably what I need.

I rush inside to grab my wallet and phone, shouting a quick “Bye, going out with Seiya” to my parents and running out the door before they have a chance to question me. I’ll get it from them later, but I don’t worry about it now.

Seiya and I walk down to get some frozen yogurt and sit outside on the patio to talk since it’s an unseasonably warm evening. She tells me about the rest of the Three Lights tour and how amazing it is to travel. “We’re heading to Europe next week,” she says, her face lighting up. “I’m talking London, Paris, Venice...I’m so stoked.”

“That’s great,” I say, returning her grin. And it is. Things are going great for her.

Inevitably _he_ has to come up. The last time I talked to Seiya, everything was going to be fine. And now… “So...semester’s over, right?” She winks. “Have you and Mamoru, ahem, ‘met for coffee,’ yet?”

I tell myself that I’m going to just calmly explain what happened and then move on to the next topic. But, it’s me and it’s Seiya and I can’t do that. I don’t say anything for a second and when she says, “Usagi?” in that worried tone, I just burst into tears.

Ugh, I’m such a mess. Luckily, Seiya just lets me cry myself out. She scoots her chair over so she can wrap her arms around my shoulders and just hold me until I’m calm again and I can tell her what happened.

“I just...I don’t know what I did,” I say, still sniffling. “Everything was going so well...at least, until our professor found out, but even then…”

Seiya rubs my back. “You didn’t do anything. Clearly, Mamoru’s got his own issues to work through.” Her tone suggests she thinks very little of Mamoru’s issues, but she refrains from commenting further.

“I know. I just feel like shit.”

“Makes sense. I mean breakups suck no matter what.” I look up at her and a surge of guilt runs through me. I shouldn’t be talking about this with _her_ of all people. I know our breakup was mutual, but, like she just said, it still sucked.

“I’m sorry.”

She doesn’t question for what, she just hugs me again tight. “It’s gonna be okay, Usagi,” she murmurs into my hair. “You’ll move on.”

_But what if I don’t want to_ , I think. I can’t say it out loud though because even _I_ think it’s a terrible thought. I can’t keep myself from it though. If Mamoru called me now and asked to make amends, could I stop myself from just hopping right back into bed with him?

“And who knows?” Seiya continues. “If it’s meant to be...well, you know what they say.”

“Ugh, leave it to you to throw a cliche in my face,” I say with a laugh. “Thanks though. You’re always here to pick me back up again. I don’t deserve it.”

“Yes, you do,” Seiya says seriously. “You’re a wonderful and amazing person, Usagi. And Mamoru’s an idiot for letting you go.”

My eyes fill with tears again and I throw my arms around Seiya’s neck, pressing my face against her shoulder.

We sit in silence for a little while longer before we head back to my house. Seiya hugs me goodbye and tells me to check in with her even while she’s gone.

“You’re gonna be kind of busy, running all over Europe, causing trouble,” I tease. “Are you sure you want to hear from little ol’ me?”

“I can always make time for you, babe,” Seiya says. She reaches up and twirls a strand of my hair around her finger. It would be so easy to close the distance between us, press myself against her, like old times, to make myself forget about _him_. But it wouldn’t be fair to Seiya. As much as I might still be a little attracted to her, I can’t use her like that when the one I’m really thinking about is Mamoru.

“Don’t get in too much trouble, okay?” I say with a laugh.

“I’ve got my sisters to keep me in line. Don’t worry.” She starts down the sidewalk, throwing a wave over her shoulder. “Later, kid.”

I watch until she’s rounded the corner and disappeared from sight before going back into the house.

 

*

 

Christmas manages to be pretty uneventful. A few days after, the girls and I spend the night at Rei’s. Her grandpa gets the fire pit going and we make s’mores. Once he’s gone to bed, we have a little sit down around the fire and talk about the semester--and specifically, _me_.

Even with your best friends, it’s hard to share everything you’re feeling, especially if you know it’s going to hurt someone. We never got a chance to talk about how my constant lying this semester was pretty shitty to all of them, and I never really apologized properly for it. So we all have a good cry and talk it out. It’s cathartic and exactly what we all need.

I’m huddled under a blanket next to Rei when she asks me quietly if I’m doing okay. The girls look expectantly at me. Again, something we haven’t talked about yet. Me, post-breakup.

“I’m fine,” I say. Rei just gives me a look and I amend, “I mean, no, I’m not really. But I’m going to be, I think. Does that make sense?”

I look around and see everyone nodding in understanding. Rei smiles and puts her arm around my shoulders. “Yeah, it does. Just know we’re all here for you. If you want to talk or not, it doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah, even if you are _so_ much better off without him,” Minako says. “it still hurts.”

“Thanks, Minako,” I say with a roll of my eyes. Maybe her constant condescending remarks toward Mamoru will make this a little easier.

Ami changes the subject to the next semester which gets everyone talking about their classes and the future, but I stay silent and just let their excitement wash over me, snuggling deeper into the blanket.

Am I okay right now? Probably not.

But I will be, and that’s what matters.

 

_Three Months Later_

*****

 

I take a deep breath, the warm salt air brushing over my face. It’s spring break and I finally feel like I have a chance to breathe. I’ve been throwing myself into school work to avoid thinking about a _certain_ someone, so I really need a vacation.

It’s just me and the girls and a giant beach house for one whole week. I’m looking forward to staying up late and sleeping in, getting some sun and just generally having a blast.

I’m out on the back deck one night after dinner, just watching the waves, when I notice movement on the deck next to ours. Some guy waves to me, and ugh, I do not want to deal with boy drama this spring break. No way.

But it isn’t him that catches my attention, but who comes out to chastise him for “bothering the neighbors.” Oh god, I would know that voice anywhere.

_Mamoru_.

Oh my god.

“Usagi?”

So much for a no-drama spring break.

_Ugh_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that's it everyone! i have some final thank yous, but first i just want to say stay tuned because yes, there is going to be a sequel! it's pretty much written (was pretty much finished when i started posting this story) and I should start posting chapters in the next week or so, so please watch out for it. like this fic, it will feature usagi and mamoru being idiots for each other, minako antics, the sailors being generally exasperated and a special appearance by the shitennou (well, sort of). 
> 
> THANKS AND THINGS: Thank you first off to my amazing and wonderful beta [feoplepeel](http://archiveofourown.org/users/feoplepeel) for helping me make this story something that I'm quite proud of. The trajectory kind of changed halfway though and I think it worked out for the best (even if it's a little...painful xD). Second, thank you to everyone who's been reading and commenting and talking to me on Tumblr and seriously, you guys are why I kept going because why would I post if no one cares? Every single comment made me smile and giggle and I seriously love all of you :smooches: Thanks for sticking with me! And I'll see you in the sequel :D
> 
> Oh yeah and (seriously, last thing) I want to thank [winterbones](http://archiveofourown.org/users/winterbones) for her awesome Minako/Kunzite fic which basically got me back into Sailor Moon and I would totally love to use her Shitennou civilian names, so if anyone can hook me up with her tumblr or something so I can ask privately that would be amazing. Obvs full credit goes to her anyway, but I'd like to ask. THANKS EVERYONE :KISSES:


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